Review: Retro Game Challenge -

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The Charge:
All your games are belong to us!

Opening Statement:
Exploding onto western shores with the force of 500 points, Retro Game Challenge brings all the wacky frenetic pacing of Retro Game Master (GameCenter CX), a kooky, long running Japanese comedy show; alongside creator Shinya Arino’s slavish devotion to old school gaming. Think of it like one of those Velveeta slathered VH1 specials about going back to the 80s. However is Retro Game Challenge the Optimus Prime of video game nostalgia trips? Or is it a mere Leader-1?

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Facts of the Case:
Distraught at his ineptitude with modern multiplayer gaming; Shinya Arino has sunk into the Stygian depths of despair. His fury and sorrow have coupled to birth “Game Master Arino,” a demonic wraith with a perverse penchant for torturing today’s players to make up for his own inadequacies. It’s Arino’s game, and he has home-field advantage. Gamers of the world must face his challenges or face spending their formative years in the days before death-matches and frag-fests.

The Evidence:
I was majorly stoked for this review when I heard it had been released for a couple of reasons. First off; I don’t play my portable systems near enough these days. And secondly; Retro Game Challenge for the Nintendo DS has such an awesome and charming concept behind it that I was sure it would melt through me like ice cream on pie. Offering up modern gamers a heaping dose of their childhoods and telling them to score a bunch of Xbox-like gaming achievements to continue? Instead of using actual old games, creating a bunch of new titles that feel like they would’ve been featured in the first year’s worth of Nintendo Power magazine?

Retro Game Challenge should have been video game bliss, it should’ve been every weekend our parents let us rent a game from Allan’s or Kelly’s video. After spending an evening on my sofa with this game though…it felt more like the weekends I wasted those rentals by choosing a bad game, and forcing myself to play it because that was the only one I’d get that weekend. Oh well…they can’t all be Mega Man 3.

There are 8 games in total to Retro Game Challenge, each hosting a series of 4 challenges which must be completed in order to move on to the next game. Players will be seeing a lot of the same games over and over again, and since 2 of the titles are just sly little knocks on old school sequels (basically being the same game again with cosmetic changes and maybe one new game play feature, most gamers will find Retro Game Challenge starts to wear thin pretty early on. It’s not just the omnipresent annoyance of Arino’s younger self cheering you on with the gusto of Fred Savage in The Wizard; it’s the lazy and flaccid imaginations of the developers.

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I started sensing trouble when the first series of challenges were for what was essentially a clone of Galaga. Fellas, if you’re making a game that reflects upon the childhoods of twentysomething lifetime gamers, don’t give them what’s been re-released a dozen times already. By the time I had played through Cosmic Gate, Robot Ninja Haggleman (and its sequel), Star Prince, and two variations of Rally King I had felt like I had just tunneled through half a mile of pig slop with an ice cream scoop. And I still had two more sets of challenges to slog through.

This is where I urge most gamers to pull a Shawshank Redemption, break free and just find something better to do. I mean we’re talking about possibly the most fondly remembered era in gaming; rich for mining nostalgic experiences and creating little game challenges that could’ve been as timeless as the titles they were aping.

Rebuttal Witness:
That’s not to say that Retro Game Challenge is completely without merit (at least its not more Pet simulation DS shovel-ware). Haggleman 3 (the last of the games to be unlocked) is a pretty accurate representation of games like Ninja Gaiden or Shadow of the Ninja, and in short bursts, the two Rally King titles bring back a lot of fond memories of games like RC Pro-Am and Micro Machines. Presentation-wise; there is always something going on in Retro Game Challenge that will surely bring a grin to the face of even the most jaded gamers.

The little touches like screen-flickering and slowdown, the way each series of challenges slowly improve in graphics and sound, reflecting what was capable at the time. The challenges however are shallow grinding at best, throwing artificial difficulty and repetition on a platter of 8-bit level showmanship and trying to sell itself to the hardcore gaming crowd. Now last year both Capcom and Konami proved that old school gaming could very well be delivered in this day and age with Mega Man 9 and Contra 4 respectively. The developers of Retro Game Challenge could’ve learned from these two examples. For example, Contra 4 already offered us a challenge mode that was twice as fulfilling as anything this title serves up. I apologize, but “grind to level 7 and save” or “finish 5 worlds without using the fire button” are in my opinion neither creative, nor terribly entertaining. But then again I never was much of a dentist.

Closing Statement:
Retro Game Challenge is a fun little concept that really had the potential to be a sleeper hit for the DS. A few little tweaks here, and a lot less of offering new versions of games we really didn’t want to play any more of (the Dragon Warrior like RPG challenges are pure teeth grinding torture), and maybe this would be a game I could’ve recommended. As it stands though, this is one nostalgia trip that breaks down a quarter mile out the gate.

The Verdict:

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