The Charge

He will beat your 8 with a Jack.  And you will beg for mercy.

Opening Statement

Many people felt that Sony would always be hyper-protective of Kratos, their cash cow, but in a surprising attempt to capture a segment of the casual market, the God of War brand was taken in a radically different direction for the Nintendo Wii.  The question is: will fans of the ultra-violent, visceral combat that has defined the series accept this new incarnation?

Facts of the Case

Nintendo’s God of War is a card game simulation.  And it’s just the one game–war.  In case you’re unfamiliar with the classic gameplay, here’s a description of the rules, taken from Wikipedia:

The cards are divided evenly, with each player’s cards remaining face-down. Each player shows his or her top card; whoever has the highest card takes the other cards shown and places them at the bottom of his or her deck.

That’s pretty much how it goes in this game.  Players select Kratos (the only playable character) and advance through increasingly challenging games of war.  You’ll sqaure off with soldiers and skeletons in the early stages, then advance to Minotaurs and Gorgons and eventually the gods of Olympus themselves, who have apparentyl developed a fascination with simplistic card-playing.

The Evidence

I like war.  Rather, I liked war.  When I was nine.  And most nine year-olds will like playing htis game.  Unfortuantely, Sony, in an absolutely befuddling manevuer, opted to pursue an M rating.

This is a bloody game.  Whenever Kratos defeats an opponent, he enters a fatality animation, wherein he dispatches his foes in a startlingly gruesome manner.  For example, in Stage 5, after Kratos beats a Carlos the Centaur, he leaps over the card table, drives his Blades of Chaos  into the Centaur’s eye sockets, sets his tail on fire, eviscerates him with his Sword of Aces, chokes him with his own entrails, and finally blasts him apart with his magic spell, The Fiery of the One-Eyed Jack.  I’m no prude, but that may be  a bit too much.

Gameplay is simple but intuitive.  Uing the Wiimote, players motion “down” to lay their card.  Motioning keft, right or up does nothing.  Buttons aren’t used until the requisite sex minigame, a spontaneous, contrived moment that happens between Kratos and a cocktail waitress.

Graphics are about PS2 quality as it appears assets from the first two games were used primarily to build this port.  The trademark booming, sympohonic, heroic score is used liberally throughout the game, though its juxtaposition with laying down cards on a table over and over is odd.

Perhaps the strangest element about this release is the fact that there is no multiplayer, online or offline.  That may affect the long-term playability of the game.

Closing Statement

Well, it fulfills a niche in the Wii catalog: inappropraitely violent simplistic card-playing.

The Verdict

Not Guilty.  What can I say?  I love anything Kratos!  (Thought the rumored God of War kart racer has me a mite concerned.)