Pardon the esoteric topic, but as any devotee of the legendary teen sitcom Saved by the Bell knows, there are few places in the world more conducive to claustrophobia, filthiness, anger and despair than the cramped boiler room at Bayside High School.

This is where, if you recall, Slater and Jessie were trapped while just above the prom was going on, thus depriving them of a seminal moment in their post-adolescent development.

If Jesse and Slater, the Romeo and Juliet of our time, can’t hack it, what makes you think that you and _________ could?!

Dave:  Voldo from the Soul Calibur series.  Just look at the guy.  If you’re not in your happy place within thirty seconds then be grateful that Voldo is off his game.

"I will drink your pain!"

This dude will surely discover new ways to make the few hours of confinement seem like decades of depraved, emotionally traumatic stabbing and fondling.

I’d rather be cooped up with a starved T-Rex than this freak.  Or those two moronic robot twins from Transformers 2.

Erich: I’m gonna have to go with any character from Banjo-Kazooie. You could probably extend the list to any character from a Rare game, but this N64 platformer (though fun) featured the voice talents of… I dunno… a box of squeaky toys? A thousand rubber-soled shoes being dragged across wet cobblestone? Someone gargling Jell-O? It may have been the early days of 3-D gaming, but trading voices for cartoony gibberish was something that should have been reconsidered. The team at Rare deserves credit for making the “duh-duh-duh-DUH-duh” of an anthropomorphic toilet distinctive from the “duh-duh-duh-duh-DUH” of a whiny walrus, but for a lot of gamers, the shtick got old real fast. As for the “getting stuck in the boiler room on prom night” thing, it might be handy to have Banjo and Kazooie around to do their patented beak bash and break down the door, but that’s about it.