Scoreboard reads: Fresh Prince of Bel-Air 1, Dude Lebowski 0

The Charge:
Does solid tech a good game make?

Opening Statement:

When the Nintendo Wii launched in 2005 to a shockingly positive reception, its bundled pack-in title, Wii Sports played a huge part in its success, eventually going on to outsell the original Super Mario Bros., becoming the best-selling pack-in title of all time with near 50 Million titles moved.  Just to help drill that little statistic home…that’s more than six times what Halo 3 sold, ten times that of the last console Zelda title.  Think whatever you will of its status as a legitimate ‘video game’, it’s hard to argue that Wii Sports was anything other than a perfect way to introduce that particular system to the world.  Now, as Nintendo are finally prepared to actually deliver on their bold claims of what the Wii will be capable with its new (fully realized) Motion Plus controls, what better way to usher in success than with the sequel to the best selling piece of bundled game software in history?  But does Wii Sports Resort deliver as actual entertainment, or are Nintendo fans in for yet another long wait filled with toys instead of games?

Oh you'd better BELIEVE that's a paddlin'.

Facts of the Case:
Twelve basic types of mini game fill a bright and sunny island resort of Wuhu, populated with  Nintendo Miis, those cheerful little desktop avatars that populate the Wii itself.  Only bowling and Golf have made a return from the original Wii Sports, but rest assured, there’s plenty here to keep Grandma, or your neighbours up the street waggling their Wiimotes for months to come.

The Evidence:
Swordfighting and archery, these were the two events that commanded the majority of my time spent with Wii Sports Resort.  Both take the Motion Plus 1:1 control ratio implement it in ways that while base and simple, feel innovative because they’ve never been played by common gamers with this level of precision before.  I literally had to attack and defend from all angles to try and get around some higher level opponents in the sword duels.  I was completely captivated, and we’re talking about a piece of shovelware here where you play with characters that look like those old Beyond the Mind’s Eye CG videos that were all the rage in the early 90s.  Gone are the wild waggles and wrist twitches of Wii Sports, replaced with lifelike sword swings, and realistic spins on your bowling throw.  It’s a thrilling experience, even if the game itself is something that can be enjoyed to its entirety in less than an hour.  I can’t help however, feeling a pang of indelible excitement when I think how the motion plus could be used in titles like the upcoming Red Steel 2.

The Italians call it 'La Posta di Falcone', never use a low guard.

Rebuttal Witness:
While the controls feel nothing short of perfect, I find myself, especially at this stage of the Wii’s life cycle; still unable to muster any additional excitement outside of the initial feeling of above discussed elation.  Wii Sports Resort is good Shovelware, VERY good shovelware indeed, but its still a collection of minigames designed for the Minesweeper demographic.  I’ve read countless reviews raving about how good this title is, all of which seem to be missing the point that they’re raving about a game’s control scheme instead of the game that is attached to it.  It’s like Pilotwings for the SNES in 1991, a tech demo designed to show off that system’s scaling and rotation capabilities.  There are those out there who remember it fondly, buried under a glossy layer of nostalgia; but I highly doubt any gamer who plugged more than a few months into a Super Nintendo would rank the game over Super Castlevania IV or Contra III, two titles which achieved similar results while featuring actual game play.  The Wii’s primary demographic will have a ball throwing twists onto their bowling tosses, or drawing back on the nunchuck like an actual bowstring during archery (where was this for Twilight Princess?), but anyone with more than a year’s worth of investment in gaming will probably tire fast.

About as much fun as Geena Davis in the Olympics

It’s a great party game though, and I’m sure that after a couple glasses of wine over at Russ and Lisa’s magnificent grownup house, my friends and I will all have a laugh as we stumble over the coffee table trying to have a simple sword fight.  All of the mini games feel great (due in most part to the rock solid control scheme), though the skydiving portion is really more of a tutorial on how to handle Motion Plus’s 1:1 sensitivity.  And I have an inkling that the puppy compatriot in the Frisbee game will be just as notorious as that snickering mongrel from Duck Hunt.

Man's best friend? Or has the Gamer's Bane bore his seed?

Closing Statement:

I don’t mean to be as hard on the Wii as I come off as, I really don’t.  My fiancée and I purchased one during its first week of sales during the Holiday season of ’05.  But I just hardly ever play it, and I’m both baffled and disgusted by the system’s rampant success when their only seems to be a title that can capture attention for longer than 20 minutes at a time every  7-8 months.  I wasn’t a huge fan of Wii Fit because I play video games to relax, I go to the gym to exercise.  I doubt Wii Sports resort is going to last long on my shelf because I already own a Frisbee.  Funny story about that Frisbee…it has a PlayStation 3 logo on it (no, its not Eye of Judgement). 

You know what was more awesome than this? Wesley Snipes in Drop Zone.

Wii Sports Resort is about as harmless entertainment as I’ve come to expect from Nintendo at this point.  Its a great party game, and the technology could be put to amazing use in some upcoming games, but outside of a laugh at your once a month gatherings, there are better games to spend your cash on.  Buy it if you must for the Motion Plus device, but save the disc for the Asperschlagers.

The Verdict:

Remember the Nintendo Power Glove?  How about the Sega Activator?  Wiki those items someday if you’re bored.  Leave me some feedback in the columns below.  Tell me if you think the Motion Plus controls are destined for greatness, are a repeat of the Expansion Pak for the N64, or will be joining the above noted peripherals on the island of lost toys.

Platform: Nintendo Wii
Developer: Nintendo EAD
Publisher: Nintendo
Release Date: July 26th 2009
Rated: E for Everyone.