Opening Statement:
Like any gamer worth his salt (or born before the rise of New Kids on the Block, take your pick), I have a bit of a history with Super Mario.  Having cut my gaming teeth on the plumber’s first three adventures, and his 16-bit debut being the first game I ever cracked wide open, dedicating myself to discovering its every secret.  Since those days long-gone-by, things as cherished as a simple Mario 2D platformer are few and far between.  This is precisely why I write this review with my eyes still wet with nostalgic tears.  New Super Mario Bros Wii has arrived for the Nintendo Wii (duh), so grab a beverage and hike up your courage; we’ve got a purloined princess to liberate.

Apparently the Koopa Kids all studies under Professor Wil E. Coyote, PhD

Facts of the Case:
It’s Princess Peach’s (that’s Toadstool to us 80s kids) birthday.  Mario, his wingman Luigi, and a cadre of unimportant Toads (little mushroom people) have gathered for a regal shindig.  Of course, the iniquitous Koopa clan show up and shanghai the damsel (their kidnapping scheme this time out is nothing short of cartoon genius).  Now, the Super Mario Bros are on the case, trekking across more than 80 levels, putting steel-toed boot to Koopa ass.  I doubt gamers would want it any other way.

Purple Drink!!

The Evidence:
How does one put an experience like NSMB Wii into a single sentence?  Distil nearly 25 years of gaming nostalgia into one phrase?  After putting in a weekend’s worth of attention, and spending an entire evening watching others do the same, I think I finally have the words.  New Super Mario Bros Wii is the modern age of gaming had the jump to 3D never occurred.  Everything we ever loved about running and jumping in a left-wise direction, tossing fireballs and kicking turtle shells has been smelted down into an alloy of the strongest construction.  This is the truest Mario sequel in 17 years.  And I say that as a frothy mouthed groupie of Super Mario Galaxy, Nintendo’s 2007 gaming opus.

Dont give Mario a brainer dude...not cool.

But what exactly makes NSMB Wii worthy of such praise, what turns that which we all thought would be a nice nostalgic throwback into a golden idol of gaming?  For one, the effortless and vast imagination that was once the sole possession of Nintendo, something that was at the very heart and soul of the best Mario titles.  That empyrean sensation of playing a game where everything works absolutely flawlessly, a masterwork that any gamer can pick up and play, no matter what their preference.

I'd like to see Crash bandicoot do THIS!

Effectively a time capsule of the Mario franchise, NSMB Wii delivers the sort of visceral gaming thrill that NES and SNES owners knew in the very marrow of their souls that lesser fare like Sonic the Hedgehog was completely incapable of.  While it contains all the fire flowers, invincibility stars, power suits, and Yoshi the green dinosaurs that gamers would hope for, at no point does NSMB Wii ever feel like a Mario’s greatest hits album.  It feels much better than that.  Gamers will traverse worlds of fire and ice, spelunk through caves filled with bottomless pits and crevices of magma, even make the obligatory pit stop at the occasional Ghost House or boss fortress.  Yes it sounds terribly cliché, but remember; we are playing a title in the franchise that invented the cliché.  It’s just taken the rest of the gaming world 24 years to catch up.

A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free.

It is obligatory I am told, that I mention the new multiplayer aspect of the Mario universe.  For the first time in a side scrolling Mario adventure, more than one player can pick up a controller and tackle the game’s eight themed worlds.  And while I breathlessly describe the single player mode as pure side scrolling ecstasy, the multiplayer is a beast of a different cloth, a creature of mirth and chaos.  The level design doesn’t change at all, but when up to four gamers are hopping and bouncing across the screen, all dashing towards coins and trying to spring across pits and over obstacles, it becomes an event in the retinal Olympics just to keep up with the action on display.  I took part in a fiasco where over 30 lives were wasted just trying to keep up with one gamer who managed to score Mario’s new Propeller Suit, and was content to spin and soar through the stage at a rapid pace whilst the rest of us were crushed by walls or thrown down inescapable pitfalls left in his careless wake.  To be honest I was a little put off by the level of mayhem on display, but once the Wii-mote was again in my hand, clutched sideways like an old school NES brick, I was captivated.  Name me one other game franchise that would send 4 players, dressed as penguins sliding down huge ramps of ice, trying to build up enough speed so at least one of them clears the chasm ahead so the rest can continue along?  Nintendo has succeeded where most games fail; they’ve turned what has always been a solo occurrence into a 4-player adventure without sacrificing a single inch of game play.   Yes it’s a little more tumultuous, but really, does a bit of harum-scarum hurt every now and again?  This is more of a party game than Mario Party could ever hope to be.

The most fun one can have without committing a misdemeanour.

Rebuttal Witness:
It eventually ends.

Closing Statement:
I realize I’ve spent close to a thousand words now just rambling about things that only fellow gamers could fathom, and all for a title that can be enjoyed by anyone.  I didn’t want to go into any real details about the new power-ups, or any of the multitudinous surprises that are waiting just around the corner in the Mushroom Kingdom.  This is pure Shigeru Miyamoto magic on display and I want each and every one of you to experience for yourself.  I feel so confident in this game’s unequivocal charm that I plan on unhooking the Wii from my television, carting it down to my parent’s house giving my mother and father (who have not played a game for any amount of time since the original ‘Super Mario Bros’) the controller and testing just how potent New Super Mario Bros Wii truly is.

The Verdict:

This review demanded a sacrifice of me.  A toll that had to be paid.  An indelible sin that all the waters of the world would not wash away.  Something that no one over the age of 10 would ever consider doing.  Holding my controller, I sat not two feet away from my television, feeling it tan my face.  The way 2D Mario was meant to be played.

- J

Platform: Nintendo Wii
Developer: Nintendo EAD
Publisher: Nintendo
Release Date: November 15th, 2009
Rated: E for Everyone