Since your kids are going to play M-rated games anyway, why not help them through the inevitable blood-soaked trauma with these jokes written especially for youngsters? Kicking off this new Pixel Verdict series, our irreverent take on the space marine splatterfest series Gears of War. Enjoy!

Q: Where do Locusts get their Blood Mounts?
A: From the Inhumane Society!

Q: Where do Locusts do their Christmas shopping?
A: At the Maul-er!

Q: Who is a Locust’s favorite actress?
A: Charlize Theron!

Q: What do you call a young Locust?
A: A Baby Boomer!

Q: What is a Locust’s favorite sandwich in Connecticut?
A: A Grinder!

Q: How does a Locust order in a bar?
A: Gimme a brew, mac! (Brumak)

Q: Why is Dom so upset?
A: Because his wife is dead!

Q: What is the Mauler’s favorite cable TV show?
A: The Shield!

Q: What was the slogan during the last Locust presidential election?
A: Yes We Kantus!

Q: What did Marcus politely ask the electronics store employee to set up for his home computer?
A: A LAN, sir! (Lancer)

Q: When do Locusts graduate from High School?
A: Emergence Day!

Q: What do Theron Guard actors do after a performance?
A: They Torque a Bow!

Q: What is a Locust’s favorite ’70s rock song?
A: Don’t Fear the Reaver!

Think you can come up with a great Gears of War joke? Put it in the comments below!