The Charge:

Be Despicable…It’s Fun!

Big empty levels populated only by moving platforms? We've got a surplus of those!

Facts of the Case:

Eschewing all but the most basic aspects of the movie’s charming plot, Despicable Me – The Game casts gamers as the bescarfed Gru.  Armed with a handful of villainous weaponry, and a limitless battalion of minions, eagerly drooling to follow his ever command; Gru must liberate the eleven pieces of tech needed to pull of the greatest act of larceny ever attempted, stealing the moon.

The Evidence:

I don’t intend to mince words about this; Despicable Me is not a very good game.  Not at all.  I ignored its existence six months ago when it was released, and would’ve been content to continue that obliviousness had a review copy not inexplicably cast a shadow across my doorstep this past week.  So while it’s no longer what I would consider a new release, with the movie having only recently hit home video, I feel it prudent to issue parents a written warning.

Gameplay in Despicable Me is split across three general play types; basic platforming, puzzle solving, and villainous free-for-all segments that allow players to go hog wild with blasting action.  Each of the game’s 11 stages is made up, without fail, of these three segments.  There’s a late addition of a half baked spaceship shoot’em up section, but it’s so uniformly generic that outside of the sudden adrenaline shock of something new, any enjoyment fails to register.  The platforming/obstacle course sections are plagued with horrendously fixed camera and wonky controls.  Aiming Gru’s various ray guns is mapped to the nunchuk’s control stick, along with movement itself.  It doesn’t take much imagination to see the inevitable tumbling into pitfalls while trying to aim at a baddie.  Gru possesses a double jump, to ease the pain of his erratic movement; however this too is dodgy at best.  Instead of having the player jump again at the apex of his first leap, instead the second jump must be performed a split second after the first.  The timing is ridiculously hard to get down, especially in a title aimed at children below the age of ten.  Oddly enough, the developers over at Monkey Bar Games must’ve known something was amiss as they’ve added the option to skip the platforming segments once players have lost enough lives.  I appreciate a good challenge in a platformer, but the challenge has to come from clever level design, not a broken control scheme.

Clever, but let's see you do it without tumbling into an icy demise.

Even less satisfying are the madcap villain sections.  Here, gamers zap away at milquetoast enemies, or perform Looney Toons inspired acts of vandalism to fill a villainy meter.  These feel like a half hearted effort at reproducing the film’s frivolous sense of humour.  I’m as much a fan of a good gag as the next person, but a laugh only lasts for a few seconds, whereas these tiresome escapades stretch on for about five to ten minutes.  At best they’re a pitiful distraction, at worst the sloppiest of game design, a miserly stab at stretching the game’s mere afternoon of distraction for a couple more hours.  Thanks, but no thanks.

Rebuttal Witness:

Oddly enough, Despicable Me’s puzzle portions are the game’s most rewarding part.  Ranging from clever to downright insidious.  Taking control of Gru’s minions, players disperse them across the level in a small variety of formations, which are then manipulated using Gru’s collection of ray guns.  The result can be everything from a series of floating ice platforms to cross a tank of water, or a trampoline to clear a wall.  Gru’s minions are in limited supply, so half the fun is figuring out the right configurations.  Like before, fail too often and the game deploys a safety net, this time in the form of a series of hints to aid gamers in overcoming Despicable Me’s one legitimate challenge.

NOT PICTURED: Fun.

The level of presentation of display in Despicable Me is middle of the road level stuff that both fails to astonish, but remains above the level of the shovel ware that regretfully clogs the Wii’s library.  Backgrounds are uninspired in design, and while the character models stand boldly enough, they lack their movie counterpart’s wondrous sense of animation.  In total, the game feels rather unpolished, with odd camera angles during story sequences that hide the character’s faces (I’m assuming to save on animation time), set pieces that look like vacant warehouses, and environments that will cause players to wow in one level, and wretch in the next.  Thankfully the score successfully emulates the feel of a late 60s Caper/Spy film, and the voice acting is surprisingly energetic, even if it isn’t the movie’s cast.

Closing Statement:

Despicable Me – the Game has some tasty ingredients, but more than its share of bland ones, and a basic recipe that fails to use them to their fullest potential.  It should take the average young gamer no more than an afternoon to complete, and is probably best rented in unison with the vastly more entertaining movie as an extra treat.  It’s a pity, because playing as a James Bondian type nemesis and engaging in all manner of comic book super villainy is a rather tantalizing idea, but this surely isn’t the game to match that potential.  Intriguing puzzles and passable presentation aside, this one is a stinker.

The Verdict:

I’ve nothing clever to add this week, that’s now mind numbing an experience Despicable Me – The Game was.  I’ll accept your pity in the form of crisp $100 Canadian bills.  It’s all about the Bordens, hater.

- J

Platform: Wii

Developer: Monkey Bar Games

Publisher: D3 Publisher

Release Date: July 6th, 2010

Rated: E 10+ for Everyone 10 and up

The Charge:
It’s You Against Your Friends!

Opening Statement:
I remember a time when EA’s long running Need for Speed franchise was a yearly powerhouse, 6.1 litre big block seal of quality that always delivered. Five years later, following half a decade’s worth of half-baked storylines featuring undercover detectives, corrupt officials, and racing-obsessed crime bosses and it seemed this once-proud staple could no longer entice gamers to put the pedal to the metal. Electronic Arts has taken desperate measures to regain their sure footing as a third party giant, shaking things up by spreading the NFS brand across several promising developers. Last fall brought gamers the successful simulation-heavy NFS: Shift, now on the other end of the spectrum, Criterion Games (developers of the crowd-pleasing Burnout series) seek to kick start thrills by revisiting the whole late 90s police chase obsession with Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit. Is it a chase worth pursuing, or does it sputter out before the finish line?

Twenty bucks says he's NOT listening to My Chemical Romance.

Facts of the Case:

Forget storylines about drug deals gone south and large scale “chopshoperations”, NFS: Hot Pursuit is about one thing and one thing only; speed. This is a war revolving all around speed. One side of this conflict seeks only to cross the finish line first; the other side to shut down these illegal racers and take back the streets and roadways of the fictional Seacrest County.

The Evidence:
There were whispers of discord when it was announced that Criterion would be reawakening the NFS: Hot Pursuit brand that it would of course just be Burnout with a new label. As a diehard supporter of the high impact racing icon, I can only cry out that this is not the case. NFS: Hot Pursuit is not Burnout Paradise under a new coat of paint. It’s something much better. This game of Cops vs. Cruisers hits every mark a successful racer should, and then goes the extra mile with one of the best competitive online components I’ve ever played, and a dealership full of licensed vehicles (something other Criterion racers have always lacked). Lambroghinis, Mercedes, Porches, Cobras, Mustangs, Chargers, Challengers, Nissans, McLarens; they’re all here, and they’re on both sides of the law. Imagine a world where James Bond enforced the traffic laws and hunted down the likes of Vin Diesel, Steve McQueen, and Bean Bandit. Now open your eyes and embrace the digital reality. This is the greatest game of dinkies you will have ever played.

Y'know, the Reventon would've made a pretty sweet Batmobile.

Seeing as NFS: Hot Pursuit was released within weeks of Sony’s juggernaut Gran Turismo 5, I feel the inevitable comparison must be scattered to the winds. This is not GT5, it’s not Forza or NFS: Shift. This is an arcade styled racer through and through and it plays as such. The controls feel heavier than the usual Criterion fare, even more so than my preferred racing underdog, Split/Second; but within a few races, gamers should have the tight drifting controls down pat, and that’s when the fun comes in. Racers must drive hazardously and ridiculously fast to build up precious boost. Drifting around corners, driving into oncoming traffic, pulling off breathtaking near-misses all dole out small amounts of potent nitro. The police also earn boost, albeit not by driving like a maniac, just by maintaining enough high speed to stay in pursuit. Unlike fare such as Burnout, NFS: Hot Pursuit prefers boost to be used in small amounts at opportune times, such as when exiting a drift or when trying to accelerate after a crash. Using it when the vehicle is near top speed is pretty much a waste. Not that boost is the only weapon that makes up this beast’s arsenal. Oh no, determined drivers will find themselves armed with upgradeable equipment that make the races very interesting to say the least. Items are all available from the start, but are in limited supply and must recharge after use, side-stepping the dangerous Blue Shell trap that many racing games crash into.

Which is more of a weapon; a banana peel or Blue Thunder?

The shiniest option though is the new Autolog, a sort of gaming Facebook that keeps players constantly connected to anyone of their friend’s list that is playing Hot Pursuit, even when embroiled in the single player campaign. Progress is linked, online and off; allowing gamers to build experience (known here as “bounty”) quickly, ascending through each side’s 20 ranks to score equipment upgrades and hot new cars. More impressive is the way NFS: Hot Pursuit ranks gamers against their friends, sort of like a personal leaderboard; a leaderboard that only judges your skill against your gaming buddies. Believe me, it’s fun to leave a personalized written smack down on a buddy’s wall after shattering his best time on a particular event.

2 of your Friends like your latest PWNAGE!

Speaking of events, NFS: Hot Pursuit is bursting at the seams with all variety of racing action. There are one-on-one contests between a single racer and police unit, there are stylized time trial and vehicle unveiling events, there are equipment challenges, vanilla flavoured races and then there is the race to end all races, the Hot Pursuit event itself. This is an eight car survival event which pits four racers against four police interceptors. All weapons are available, and there are no holds barred. If it seems white knuckle at first, try it online against less predictable human opponents. Just keep in mind that even though there are points for the racer position or most busts for the cops, this is essentially a team event, and the reward for a team victory far surpasses that of the solo prizes. Myself and a fellow gamer online have started trying to perfect a tag team manoeuvre in which he boosts ahead of our target, threads the needle of my roadblock and drops a spike strip, allowing almost no chance of escape. We’re talking about real meat and potatoes styled gaming. I can see NFS: Hot Pursuit’s online community far surpassing Burnout Paradise and reaching up to join the hallowed halls of the online first person shooters in terms of a social experience. With the ability to seamlessly switch between Cops and Racers, and the sides being randomly swapped at the start of each online event, it’s easy to take as much fun from the newest Need for Speed as one wants to.

Coincidently enough, the greatest equalizer is still slamming into anopponent at 160 mph.

Visually, Hot Pursuit is a sizzler. Seacrest County is immense, and explodes with life. The highways can be choked with traffic (all licensed cars as well) at certain hours of the day, turning each race into a 100 mph speed differential slalom run. Helicopters and aircraft streak across the sky, and each race contains at least one gorgeous vista view that gamers may risk a crash to watch in awe, especially with the amazing shifting weather conditions. Crashes are Criterion’s usual thing of beauty, with shrapnel and paint stripping from the cars with each impact. The soundtrack detonates through the speakers with a pleasant blend of hard rock, some light hip hop and funky British styled techno. When a race is interrupted by the five-o, the soundtrack quickly switches over to a score that Hans Zimmer or Mark mancina would be proud to feature on their resume..

Rebuttal Witness:
If you find yourselves amongst the unwashed masses who lack a viable internet connection for gaming, alot of “Hot Pursuit’s” fun is stripped away. It’s still a great game, but it feels more like a half; like playing a PS1 era racer nowadays. Or perhaps I’m still shell shocked from the phenomenal eight player Hot Pursuit events.
The freedrive option, which opens up Seacrest County for exploration allows for some great use of the in-game photography. Sadly, the overworld map in nonexistent in this mode, forcing gamers to depend on a less than handy mini-map to find their way around an environment that dwarfs Burnout Paradise. Nitpicking, I know.

KELSEY GRAMMER! Pull the vehicle over to the side of the road!

Closing Comments:
I only wish I had been given the chance to play Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit prior to the holidays, as it would have surely commandeered a spot on my Best of 2010 list. Personally, I personally find it to be a much more enjoyable time than the daunting GT5, and a worthy successor to the Need for Speed name. It’s a drop dead gorgeous game with a rocking soundtrack, pulse pounding gameplay to keep gamers welded to their controllers, and a robust online component. There’s already a plethora of bonus events available for download, and if the online support is half as frequent as what Criterion supplied for Burnout Paradise, Hot Pursuit enthusiasts are in for a fun year, no matter which side of the law they find themselves racing on.

The Verdict:

I’m hoping with J this latest success, Criterion will announce at E3 2011, their decision to adapt M.A.S.K into a chaotic arcade racer.

- J

Platform: Sony Playstation 3/Microsoft XBOX360 (PS3 Version Reviewed)
Developer: Criterion Games
Publisher: Electronic Arts
Release Date: November 16th, 2010
Rated: E(10+) for Everyone 10 and up.

The Charge:
“Welcome… TO DIE”

Opening Statement:
Konami can go straight to hell. Do you hear me, you greedy bastards! I’ve already given you six hundred dollars worth of quarters playing X-Men: The Arcade Game in the arcades throughout the nineties.

Now you want me to pony up on Xbox Live and PSN to play it again? Forget it!

Hey, wait a minute. Where did my credit card come from? Hey, I never entered that… wait… “Download Complete”? What the—?

Grumble, grumble. You win this round, Konami.

Facts of the Case:
Experience the classic 1992 X-Men arcade game right in the comfort of your own home! Choose from some of your favorite classic X-Men characters including: Cyclops, Colossus, Wolverine, Storm, Nightcrawler, or Dazzler. Fight your way through hundreds of Sentinels and battle classic super villains such as Pyro, The Blob, Wendigo, Nimrod, The White Queen, Juggernaut, Mystique and the Master of Magnetism himself, Magneto!

There is no reason for Dazzler to be here.

The Evidence:
A beloved arcade beat-em-up, X-Men was a game created by a group of Japanese programmers who, having never actually read an X-Men comic before, spent the morning leafing through some vintage back issues before getting down to some light programming after lunch. Anachronistic story elements and bad English translations aside, this is pure vintage nineties multi-player action at its most cruel and unfair refined.

Best known for its groundbreaking six-player “double cabinet” housing, this arcade brawler let up to six players (or up to four, if you had a cheap arcade that refused to shell out for the fancy version) take on members of the X-Men to battle Magneto and a nonsensical grouping of other people who have never once been on the same page in an actual comic before. And for some reason, the Sentinels are only five feet tall, and they work for Magneto.

In the arcade, X-Men was at its most frenetic and fun with as many wealthy friends as you could muster up — and they better be packing serious coinage. While not exactly a hard game in the pejorative sense of the word (you mash buttons until everything dies) the sheer volume of enemies thrown against you, and the utter lack of health regeneration or healing ensured you were pumping in a quarter every sixty seconds or so.

There is no reason for Shadowcat to have this haircut.

Now faithfully ported to Xbox Live and PSN, the game looks smashing. The cinematic have been touched up into HD, and the gameplay looks better than it ever did on a flickering cathode ray tube. Controls are tight and work exactly as expected. This is a three-button game: attack, jump and MUTANT POWERRRRRRRRRRR (a button you will be hitting a lot, much to the annoyance of all other game players not playing Colossus). Gamers even get the choice of playing the Japanese edition of the game, which (gasp!) actually adds power-ups into the game, which is a much-needed improvement. Even the HUD gets a new high definition revamping. Everything looks tight.

Konami has even been kind enough to assume you may not have five extra controllers (or friends) hanging about, and have included online co-op gameplay. Joining a game on Xbox Live was effortless, if a bit on the boring side. The game is no easier or harder with the addition of human players — just more crowded on-screen. Aside from a few on-screen slowdowns here and there, online gameplay works like charm. It doesn’t exactly capture the magic of being elbow-to-elbow with your friends, screaming curses at Magneto (“Master of Magnet”) in the arcade, but it’s a nice addition.

In terms of gameplay, X-Men: The Arcade Game hasn’t aged particularly well. This was a clumsily executed game back in 1992, and it remains so now. Characters walk as if encased in chocolate pudding. Forget about the jump button — just do not even press it. Odds are good you will not even connect with an enemy. Even if by random chance you manage to propel yourself forward, any aerial attack you make will lead to immediate punishment by enemies who will magically evade your attacks and retaliate with laser beams, or flaming breath. As for AI sophistication, forget it: you can beat the entire first two levels by standing completely stationary and jamming on the Attack button. Every enemy (including the bosses) will be kind enough to indulge you by walking directly into your fists.

A slightly irritating (yet faithfully accurate) feature is the inability to change characters once committed to a Player number position. If you pick Cyclops as Player 1 — even in a single player game — you’re stuck with the guy, just like you would be standing at the six-player arcade cabinet.

This has never occurred in the comics.

Rebuttal Witness:
X-Men: The Arcade Game is the textbook definitional of tremendously poor replay value. With no financial penalty in place, the game allows for endless continues at the push of a button, so a ruthless player can simply jam on the MUTANT POWERRRRRR button to kill all on-scree enemies, die and re-spawn with full charges, then rinse and repeat. You will beat the game in twenty minutes if you do this.

Closing Comments:
X-Men: The Arcade Game is a faithful port of a beloved arcade classic, warts and all. The fresh coat of HD paint looks and sounds fantastic, and the game is no better or worse than you remember it.

If you enjoyed it the first go-round in the arcades of your youth, you’ll have a blast (especially with a living room full of friends) but the one-note gameplay and short duration make this an expensive trip down memory lane.

The Verdict:

Platform: Microsoft XBOX360 (Xbox Live) / PS3 (PlayStation Network) (XBOX360 Version Reviewed)
Developer: Backbone Entertainment
Publisher: Konami Digital Entertainment
Release Date: Dec 15, 2010
Rated: E10 (Everyone 10+)

The Charge:
Enter the hypnotic realm of the UnderGarden…

Opening Statement:
The UnderGarden is an interesting game to categorize. Prioritizing ambiance and mood over high scores or game mechanics, this Xbox Live Arcade title is an exercise in meditative curiosity, an ethereal float through subterranean caverns, spreading pollen and plant life, with some puzzle solving mechanics thrown in for good measure. Although not as hypnotically pointless as games like fl0w or Flower, The UnderGarden borrows much from this ‘anti-game’ genre, emphasising mood and tone over… you know, fun. There’s a decent puzzler buried underneath the ambience, but you have to dig for it.

Facts of the Case:
You are a tiny cherub-faced creature, set loose in a dark series of caverns. As you navigate the creature, tiny plants and spores spring to life, illuminating the caverns in beautiful tones and shades of light.

Welcome to the UnderGarden.

The Evidence:
A short synopsis? You bet. At its core, that’s the game: no plot, no narrative, no explanation as to your purpose or your mission. There is no time limit and no way to die. You are just free to float about and pollenate everything in sight.

As gamers progress, puzzle elements are slowly added. Progress through a tunnel is impeded by a wall, which can be lifted by dragging fruit from a blooming tree onto a pressure plate. A second kind of fruit floats to the celling like a helium balloon, and can trigger pressure plates on the ceiling. Some fruits explode to destroy crumbling rock, while others shoot out neon bubbles that rob the creature of his pollen. When you complete a level, you are given a percentage score of how many flowers you pollinated, as well as how many secret gems and plants you collected on the way. A small meter on the bottom of the screen indicates your pollen count, which can easily be refuelled by stomping on small green pollen sacs.

The controls are languid and elastic, like the game. The analog stick manoeuvres the creature through the air like a hot air balloon. Holding a button charges a short burst of thrust, and another button can grab onto items, like fruits and tiny musicians (obviously) who change the visual and sonic landscape of the plants as you fly by. A crueller man could call the controls frustratingly imprecise, but it’s hard to stress out too much about it. After all, the game practically encourages slow, meditative movement. A co-op mode allows a friend to tag along and float about; a cute if pointless addition.

As puzzlers go, The UnderGarden goes from a laughably easy to reasonably competent in such a subtle gradient that you barely notice. One minute, you’re floating about aimlessly. Suddenly, you’re stuck on a cryptic series of pressure plates with a handful of the wrong fruit. It won’t take you longer than a few hours to blast your way through the content, but there’s no need to rush. The strength of the title—indeed, the very thing that makes it unique in a marketplace crammed full of puzzlers much cleverer than it—is its casual zen attitude. Relax. Soak up the atmosphere. Even at its most complex, The UnderGarden is relatively challenge-free.

No two ways about it: the game looks dazzling. Striking an artistic style straight out of a lost Tim Burton notebook from Alice In Wonderland, The UnderGarden has a simplistic yet visually pleasing asthetic, full of warmth and blooming light and soft colors and shadows. Watching flowers spring to life endlessly sounds boring, but not so. The score is ethereal magic; a calming blend of gentle bells, analog pulses and ambient curiosities. Each level is a new palate of blues, greens and purples.

Ooh... ethereal!

Rebuttal Witness:
The biggest drawback to the title is its repetition. Within a few levels, I started to lose interest in the hypnotic underworld. The UnderGarden is beautiful and relaxing to be sure, but the repititon in gameplay and visual element wore me down. Levels blend together in a haze of pleasing tones. Puzzles become mindless affairs. With no timer or death, there is little incentive to even solve them.

Determining the replay value of a title this esoteric is like trying to assign replay value to a rock garden. Is it relaxing and spiritually refreshing? Sure. Are you going to play it all the time? Probably not.

Closing Comments:
The UnderGarden is a beautifully crafted product, stunningly vibrant in its presentation of audio and visual marvels. And it is a fun to play, right up until the point where it becomes tremendously boring. There just isn’t enough game here to hold one’s interest beyond the first few levels. Puzzle aficionados and completionists will blast through the fourteen levels in a matter of hours.

It is refreshing to see games like this in online marketplaces, to see games that value visual aesthetics and emotional resonance above gameplay, but I fear I appreciate the concept of a game like The UnderGarden far more than than I enjoy playing the actual game.

The Verdict:

Platform: Microsoft XBOX360 (Xbox Live) / PC (XBOX360 Version Reviewed)
Developer: Artech Studios
Publisher: Atari
Release Date: Nov 10, 2010
Rated: E for Everyone

The Charge:
Dark times need a dark hero!

Opening Statement:
Konami’s Castlevania series is no stranger to dabbling in the 3rd dimension, usually with mixed results. Castlevania: Lords of Shadow marks the first entry in the series for the high-def generation, and the latest attempt at bringing the monster-slaying opus into the 3rd dimension. Does Spanish developer Mercury Steam (Clive Barker’s Jericho) triumph where others fell short? Or is this one another whip to the face for classic Castlevania fans?

Call me "Emo" one more time...

Facts of the Case:
The tenuous link between Heaven and Earth has been severed. The souls of the dead linger on the mortal plane while creatures of vile darkness prey on humanity. In these dark times, the faithful huddle fearfully in walled settlements and villages, fighting desperately to survive. Into this gloomy scene steps Gabriel Belmont, Knight of the Brotherhood of Light. Gabriel seeks the means to resurrect his late wife, a recent victim of the evil plaguing the lands, and if he can banish the darkness that curses humanity, then mores the better. He isn’t the only player on the board however, and standing in his way are the demonic Lords of Shadow.

The Evidence:
I’ll get this out of the way immediately: What links there are in Castlevania: Lords of Shadow to previous games in the long running series are tenuous at best. Outside of some offhanded references to 2003’s Castlevania: Lament of Innocence, this is very much a completely fresh approach to the series. Forget about Dracula and Death, Alucard and Simon Belmont. They aren’t here, and they aren’t coming.

So now that you know what NOT to expect, I can tell you that Lords of Shadow is primarily an action platformer in the same vein as God of War III or Dante’s Inferno, however there are elements included that elevate it above either of those peers. The combat system delves closer to the Devil May Cry/Ninja Gaiden side of things by leaning on timing rather than the mashing of buttons. Beyond that, after the first section, the combat becomes all about balancing your extremely potent dark magic and your recuperative light magic. These respective powers can be used to inflict a healthy portion of extra damage or heal Gabriel depending on whether you go dark or light. Said magic can be recharged periodically, but to get the full use, you’ll need to gather orbs by killing opponents and then deciding which of the types you want to recharge via a click of the right or left analog sticks. It sounds complex, but it’s effortless in the heat of battle, and one good recharge of your light magic can get a near death Gabriel back into the fight with a dose of whip-powered healing. One good dose of dark magic can quickly decimate an otherwise powerful foe. It’s a great way to mix things up, and really causes you to think about what you’re doing in the heat of combat.

"Nathan Drake is a pansy!"

Thinking is very necessary, as Lords of Shadow can be downright vicious when it wants to be. Even weaker foes are threatening in numbers, and while many of the fights can be lengthy melees, the game thankfully doesn’t throw wave after wave of fodder at you to whittle you down. Enemy designs and attacks feel great, inspired even, and keep you on your toes (mastering the dodge mechanic should be your first priority). There are a ton of earned abilities and sub-weapons, each of which adds new combos or magical abilities to the lengthy list, and a variety of tactical approaches that one can take to make life easier. Sure you can mash and pray for salvation, and you may even succeed, but the experience will be that much more frustrating for it. The experience itself is an epic trek through 10 diverse chapters of game that should run you in the neighbourhood of 20 hours or more to finish. There’s very little in the way of backtracking, the puzzles are pretty well thought out for the most part, and the locales you visit remain unique and interesting throughout. The game, amazingly feels stuffed to near bursting with content, and the presentation never falters.

Right from the game’s lavishly beautiful opening sequence, Castlevania: Lords of Shadow should make one hell of an impression. Gorgeous texture work brings the beautiful art design to life in smashing fashion. Every character in the game looks absolutely gorgeous in motion, with wonderfully unique designs that hearken ever so slightly to Castlevania’s past, and yet remain wholly fresh. Some of the creatures look as though they could have been ripped from Pan’s Labyrinth director Guillermo Del Toro’s warped imagination, and the lush lighting sets a wonderful mood in each and every corner of the vast world. The game remains smooth throughout, with no noticeable drop in framerate or screen tearing, even when bosses get huge (and they get HUGE) or multiple enemies come out to play. The sound is equally fantastic, filling the room with booms and bone crunch. The voice acting features several notables, including Robert Carlyle, Patrick Stewart, and Jason Isaacs, and all of them do a phenomenal job (Stewart does a particularly fantastic job as the game’s chief narrator). There’s a ton of dialog in here, and all of it sounds perfect.

"Must... resist... urge to yell like Tarzan!"

The music is suitably gothic and epic, and continues the trend by being top notch stuff. Longtime fans may lament the lack of their favourite symphonies or harmonies (see what I did there?), but honestly, the music included just sounds so damn good that I didn’t miss a thing.

Konami doesn’t often grace us with a package this well presented, but this is easily the best thing they’ve put to market for sheer production value and presentation since Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots.

Rebuttal Witness:
I wish I could say that Castlevania: Lords of Shadow is a perfect game, but alas, there are a few chinks in the armor. The level design isn’t always logically sound, and hidden passages that should be clearly visible are hidden off screen or behind obstructions, while other clearly visible paths are barred by invisible walls and actually exist solely as backdrop. This slightly bipolar design also extends to some tricky jump situations where in one level, a certain approach works fine, only to grant you a quick return to a checkpoint when attempted in another area. It’s a little sloppy to be certain, and I did hit one or two roadblocks along the way. The fixed camera sometimes exacerbates the issue, but it’s usually something you needn’t fret over. The game works far more often than it doesn’t and what flaws that do exist are pretty common in the genre as a whole.

"This might take a while..."

Closing Comments:
Castlevania: Lords of Shadow is the real deal; A true triple-A production and a glorious new beginning for those who can get past the legacy of the past games. The technical polish and top drawer presentation are held aloft by rock solid mechanics, an intelligent plot, and some surprisingly deep features. Forget what you think you know about Castlevania, and step into the shoes of one of the best games of 2010.

The Verdict:

Platform: Sony Playstation 3/Microsoft XBOX360 (PS3 Version Reviewed)
Developer: Mercury Steam
Publisher: Konami
Release Date: Oct 15th, 2010
Rated: M (17+) for Mature

Facts of the Case:

Kirby, the jolly and rotund denizen of Dreamland has been exiled by a wicked sorcerer to the quilted world of Patch Land.  There he meets a familiar looking fellow named Prince Fluff (that would be Player 2).  Together the pair set off on a journey to restore order in a world made entirely of yarn, and get Kirby home in time to stop the evil Yin-Yarn from unravelling his own home in a similar fashion.

Daaaaaaaawww

The Evidence:

I’ve never been what you could call a diehard supporter of Nintendo’s Kirby games.  Personally, I blame the lack of an original pea soup screened Game Boy when the little pink blob of goo made his inaugural appearance.  By the time I finally found a Kirby game in my hands; I was approaching my twelfth year, and the beginner’s nature of the series failed to impress me.  But all things being equal, I thought I’d do away with my old prejudices and give Kirby’s first solo outing on the Wii a try.  A mixed bag was to be expected, but there is some good to be found.

Exciting levels like this stand out, but with no challenge, there's little thrill to be had.

The first thing that any gamer is going to notice in Kirby’s Epic Yarn is the unreal look of the game.  I always applaud developers who find a way of camouflaging or otherwise working around the Wii’s limited graphical capabilities and this is no exception.  Good-Feel and Hal Laboratory have crafted quite the looker here, even if it is simplistic.  Something as simple as watching the environment unzip, and fall in a heap of fabric, or watching Kirby slip beneath a background layer and become little more than a visible lump is pure joy.  It’s like a baby’s quilt enchanted by a benevolent animator, narrated like its on Reading Rainbow; magic come to life.  Every single level seems to bring its own unique take on the whole fabric store gimmick, so young gamers will have no shortage of new thrills to discover as they quest to reassemble Patch Land.

Dinosaurs make everything better. Even ones that move at a glacial pace.

It’s a good thing the levels can be so varied, especially considering Kirby has been stripped of his usual modus operandi of swallowing his enemies whole to gain their powers and abilities.  Instead he gains a standard length of yarn which can be used as a whip to unravel or wind up his foes, and there are a host of different vehicles and tools that Kirby can morph his fabric body into.  Dolphins, UFOs, even an amusing battle tank; they’re all here.  The lack of imaginative offensive capabilities lands somewhere on the side of jarring, but I can’t see kids caring for long the first time they get to turn into a Kirby-shaped robot of treads and fire yarn missiles at a woollen artillery squad.

HEAVY METAL THUNDER!!

Rebuttal Witness:

It’s unfortunate, however; that Kirby’s Epic Yarn is thoroughly lacking in challenge.  As in any challenge at all.  Kirby, and his angry eyed palette swap buddy Prince Fluff are in a word, immortal.  They cannot be killed by enemies nor can they meet defeat at the hands of pitfalls or traps.  The price of failure rarely carries more consequences than a handful of collectible beads, which burst into a scattering heap, a la Sonic and his rings, and the few seconds of game time that it takes to recollect these fallen spoils.  I understand that this is a title for young gamers, and there’s nothing wrong with a lenient learning curve and a merciful difficulty level, but when there is no threat of defeat, no consequence for a lapse in reflexes, there’s no real sense of satisfaction to be found in overcoming an obstacle.  Yes, there are hidden bonuses in each level, but for the most part they are in plain sight and can be gathered on a first run through with no resistance.  Even worse are the boss battles, which seem poised to explode into vivid life, but then show about as much threat as a newborn kitten, present a meandering attack pattern, and fall in less time than it takes to heat up a Pop-Tart.

This sweatery kraken looks a whole lot less threatening after you defeat it while asleep.

I’ve been a fairly accommodating fan of Nintendo style platform games for most of my life, I mean New Super Mario Bros. Wii was in my Top 5 for 2009, but Kirby’s Epic Yarn lacks in any sort of hectic pace or clever level layout.  Gamers over the age of 6, or possessing any experience with games above the difficulty of say, Viva Piñata will without a doubt, sense tedium creeping in by the time they overtake the World 1 boss.  There’s an apartment to decorate (sparsely) with goodies picked up during the adventure; and a handful of mini-games that try to invoke the charisma of Little Big Planet, but both lack the creativity to last very long.  All in all, a completionist should have this one split asunder in about 5 to 6 hours.  The sense of frustration is only compounded by the game’s unrelenting and evolving novelty during the single player campaign.  World maps unfurl like rolled carpets, woolen water sprays and twists with unbelievable fluidity, backgrounds fold and crumple.  But its all for naught when the game is so easy that it is a belittling, remedial chore to play.

I should be loving every second of this...

Closing Statement:

Bottom line, Kirby’s Epic Yarn is a lazily paced, simple and short-statured platform game with a heavy focus on a calming setting and preciously cute graphics. Clever level design, basic challenges. dare I say even fun all take a backseat to Kirby’s new cotton aesthetic. I wish I could say that any platforming fan could sink their fangs into some fried gold, but Kirby’s Epic Yarn would be much better suited to a beginner, or a little brother who wants a crack at his sibling’s gaming action. The game accomplishes its limited vision with exuberance, and therefore I can’t totally hate on it; but be warned that this little pink blob has its demographic, and if you’re not part of that age range; it’s more Barney than it is Jim Henson.  Parents seeking a neat Holiday gift for their hatchling need look no further, but for anyone beyond the second grade, this is an epic yawn.

The Verdict:

I’m currently starting an online petition to have Pixel Verdict completely redesigned and remodeled in brilliant yarn glory.  Stick a length of string into a styrofoam cup and toss it to a window…spreads the word.

- J

Platform: Wii

Developer: Feel-Good/HAL Laboratory

Publisher: Nintendo

Release Date: October 17th, 2010

Rated: E for Everyone.

The Charge:
There is a new enemy. There is a new war. There is a new warrior. He is Tier 1.

Opening Statement:
Electronic Arts’ long running Medal of Honor series returns to active duty after a few years on the sidelines. With World War II so passé, and Modern Combat all the rage, EA has thrown you off the bird and into the warzone of post 9/11 Afghanistan. Does EA answer the Call of Duty? Or is this one Black Op you’ll be denying?

"We've got Rangers on the ground!"

Facts of the Case:
In early 2002, following the disastrous terror attacks of September 11th, 2001, the US Armed forces alongside a coalition of willing Countries launched an offensive campaign into Afghanistan, proclaimed to be the World’s first “war on terror.” Medal of Honor puts us into the boots of two very different branches of the Armed forces; the scalpel, elite Tier One special forces operators, and the Sledge hammer, the US Army Rangers, as they battle their way through the Shahikot Valley during Operation: Anaconda.

The Evidence:
Much has been made of EA’s return to the Medal of Honor series and the approach to realism that the developers at Danger Close (Formerly EA Los Angeles) were taking. The marketing tells us the game was constructed with the aid of real Tier One SpecOps bad-asses, with creative energy focused on making a game that thrives through its authenticity rather than being shackled by it. In this regard, they have definitely succeeded. While the “Modern Combat” of Call of Duty has been content to build Hollywood blockbusters out of laughable fictitious bad guys, replete with scenarios out of the latest Bay/Bruckheimer joint. Nukes, invasions of DC, renewed Communist aggression and a sweeping Hans Zimmer score have been the order of the day. Medal of Honor travels a more somber path, paying respect to the fighting man of the modern battlefield, and acknowledging real conflict with real gravitas. The action has an air of desperation , something it has done for World War II since its inception. Somewhere along the line, the messages of both series were lost in a muddle of multiplayer mayhem, carnage, and spectacle, but MOH brings things back into sharp relief. If Call of Duty: Modern Warfare is a summer blockbuster, than Medal of Honor is a gritty indie film.

"Hooh-AH!"

From the opening moments, the single player game ratchets the intensity while placing the player squarely into believable situations. The game is linear, and relies on scripted moments to guide the player through, but the level design never feels anything but natural, and there’s never a moment where the game settles into a groove or becomes routine. What’s most amazing is how the developers have managed to keep things fresh through the entirety of the (admittedly brief) single player game. Level transitions aren’t seamless, but they make logical sense, shifting you from the boots of one character to the controls of an Apache attack helicopter and on to another Ranger or Tier One Operator as each mission ends. There’s overlap in the cutscenes and each playable character’s storyline overlaps with the others. It really gives you a great feeling of being a part of a larger canvas. Events continue to backbuild and lead into one another until the final batch of missions hits, and they are doozies. There was at least one mission in there (the first Ranger mission) that left my hands sweaty and shaking by the end, things get THAT intense. I don’t recall that ever happening with a first person shooter before.

The controls also differentiate themselves from the competition with added choices that compensate for the more tactical approach to gameplay. When crouched behind cover you can peek and lean to take shots from behind cover by holding a left shoulder button. You don’t stick to cover a la Killzone, but the mechanic allows you to make quick shots and return to cover by releasing the analog stick. You can hold both of your left shoulder buttons to use the feature while aiming through ironsights, which may take some dexterity, but again, works to your favor if you can master it. Then there’s the pistol quickdraw, which allows you to pull a pistol and fire a rapid shot in a split second while aimed at a target with a simple click of the analog stick. It’s much faster than reloading or switching weapons when those damn bastards just won’t go down.

"Tier One's get Beards... AWESOME beards..."

In a rather unprecedented move on EA’s part, the multiplayer portion of Medal of Honor was farmed out to the architects of Battlefield: Bad Company 2, DICE, who in turn built a fully featured multiplayer game out of their Frostbite technology (the single player game utilizes the Unreal 3 engine). The end results take elements of Bad Company 2 and combine them with Call of Duty stalwarts like experience points and unlocks for killstreaks. There’s a healthy selection of game modes that mix things up and play to the strengths of both series. If you’re a CoD fan, and Bad Company was a little too team oriented for you, than this just might make for a satisfying alternative. On the flip side, if you’re a Bad Company 2 player, Medal of Honor offers up a slightly less sprawling experience with many of the same features at a faster pace. You won’t rank up in a weekend, and there’ll be no shortage of punters in the online arena. Thankfully it isn’t overrun with cheating bastards or 7 year olds, or cheating bastard 7 year olds… at least, not yet. Worth noting, the “Peek and Lean” and “quick draw” mechanics from the single player game are missing in multi-player, which is kind of a drag.

Medal of Honor’s Unreal 3 powered single player campaign provides one hell of a stunning looking experience. The framerate is rock solid, the lighting is top drawer stuff, and smoke and mist looks terrific. Everything from the searing desert to the cold peaks of the harsh Afghanistan terrain is rendered with clarity and attention to detail that rivals the very best looking first person shooters on a console (yes, even Killzone 2). There are some jaw-dropping visuals here, from the opening sequence in a darkened village to the final conflict on a moonlit frozen mountain. Some screen tearing does pop up from time to time, and there were a few instances of typically Unreal 3 texture pop-in, but they certainly don’t diminish from what is one hell of an amazing looking game. The multiplayer pushes DICE’s proprietary “Frostbite” tech to a level just beyond what was seen in Battlefield: Bad Company 2’s multiplayer earlier this year. The slightly more confined levels and the lack of a significant amount of vehicles probably helps.

The sound design again puts realism up front, with a script that stays pretty close to reality without diving into Hollywood action clichés. One or two one-liners pop up from time to time, but overall the lingo, which the developers claim was actually written by the Armed Forces consultants, sounds genuine and is actually quite engaging. It’s also virtually constant. There’s a TON of dialogue in here. The score, by Iron Man composer Ramin Djawadi, is pure Black Hawk Down, all strings and harsh guitar, but it’s used in subtle fashion rather than overpowering the game with bombast. It isn’t constant, but when it does fade in, it underscores the action and heightens the emotions perfectly. Last, and certainly not least, are the booming gunfire and the ear-rattling explosions, which are suitablyeffective and fill the room. The sound package definitely measures up to the awesome visual package.

"Is that Ride of the Valkyries I hear?"

Rebuttal Witness:
Medal of Honor does borrow at least one annoyance from its chief competitor; the painfully short single-player campaign. My first run through (which was on the “Hard” difficulty) took me a little over 6 hours to run through. Bad Company 2 and Modern Warfare 2 were roughly the same length, and had considerably more downtime or aggravation per hour, yet Medal of Honor left me considerably more wanting. The ending itself was a more than adequate, entirely satisfying conclusion that put a cap on what was a universally fantastic experience, but I just wish there was more of it. That’s perhaps the best testament to the quality of the single player game.

I did have a few issues with staying online, but I’ll chalk that up to the pre-launch timeframe in which I was playing.

"Nothing like a tear through the woods on an ATV!"

Closing Comments:
EA’s diligence in design, ambition, and chutzpah has payed off in a huge way. Medal of Honor is nothing less than a triumphant return to the glorious highs of the franchise’s early years. Elements of the gameplay are unique, innovative and flawlessly executed, and the presentation is absolutely stunning. Top it off with some kick ass multiplayer, and you have the perfect all encompassing package! It may not penetrate the social bubble that is today’s Call of Duty fanbase, and the single player campaign will leave you yearning for more, but it’s not only one of the best games I’ve played this year, but one of the best shooters of this console generation.

The Verdict:

Platform: Sony Playstation 3/Microsoft Xbox360/Windows PC
Developer: Danger Close/DICE
Publisher: EA
Release Date: October 12th, 2010
Rated: M (17+) for Mature

The Charge:
A new world will rise from the ashes of the old.

Opening Statement:
Square Enix once again attempts to bring their long running giant robot series to North American shores, this time with an American developer at the controls, and a pretty huge shakeup in the gameplay department. Does their gamble pay off?

"AMBUSH! pyew! pyew! pyew!

Facts of the Case:
In the year 2171 AD, a cold war rages between the two dominant world powers, The OCU, and the UCS (essentially huge amalgamations of the old school East and West). When an unprovoked attack on the New York City orbital tower of Percival sparks an all out war, Dylan Ramsey, a civilian test pilot, finds himself pulled into the conflict. The weapon of choice in this future war? Giant robot fighting machines called “Wanzers”.

The Evidence:
I was never much of a proponent of the Front Mission series, though my love of giant bipedal robot killing machines knows no bounds, it was tempered by my relative distaste for turn based strategy. With Front Mission Evolved, Square-Enix, through North American developer Double Helix (Silent Hill: Homecoming) has taken quite a chance. Fans of the long running series, barely represented on North American shores, have been bitching and moaning about the transition to 3rd person action game since the first mention of this particular title. They feel as though Square-Enix has betrayed the small but reverently loyal fan base that the series has amassed over the years, and in some way, perhaps they have. For me, personally, the shift was a more than welcome change.

"Sorry, you're weapon only has a range of four hexes! I'm six hexes away! Nyeah nyeah!"

The guys at Double Helix have no doubt spent a ton of time with From Software’s long running Armored Core series. The venerable Mecha series immediately comes to mind the moment you kick in your jets and start skating around. The controls have that same smooth feel, the giant war machines move in virtually identical fashion, and even the button layout is very similar, having you using the shoulder buttons on your controller to fire shoulder and arm mounted weaponry on your left and right sides respectively. If you’re one of those hardcore giant robot guys who’s played a ton of AC, Front Mission Evolved will be an easy fit.

Anyone who enjoys a good giant robot shooter also loves to customize their 100 ton implement of robotic genocide, and again, Front Mission Evolved delivers. There’s some robust customization tools that allow for the swapping out and replacing of virtually every piece of your walking tank, complete with a healthy assortment of projectile weaponry and melee tools. It’s not quite as robust as what you see in Armored Core 4 or Chromehouds, as your machines do maintain a similar feel in terms of speed and agility, but there’s enough of a change to make it worth your while.

Where Front Mission Evolved really changes things up is in the storyline, and the level design. Other Mech shooters love throwing you up against fodder, and are often structured in a non-linear “choose your mission” structure, with meta-narratives that are spread through ancillary things like e-mail messages (I’m looking at you, Armored Core). FME’s storyline hits the ground running with some awesome cutscenes and a tale of violence and war. It’s not pioneering storytelling in video games or anything, and it certainly borrows some elements from “Giant Robot Anime 101”, but there are distinct characters, some endearing, some repulsive as hell, and there’s a narrative flow to the action that really helps to immerse you into the ongoing war.

"Who needs machine guns when I got this big ass club!"

Rather than chucking gigantic bullets and rockets at foot soldiers and tanks repeatedly, the game almost immediately introduces enemy robots, and combat becomes a hectic game of boost, shoot, dodge, and scramble for health and ammo replenishes. It doesn’t take most weaponry long to chisel through your mech’s metal, and while the proper reflexes may make things easier, combat is no walk in the park. There are some boss fights in here that require mad skills, close timing, and incredible patience. Thankfully the checkpoint system is pretty forgiving.

The level layouts are pretty linear, but varied and interesting as well. The game doesn’t often degenerate into an all out shooting gallery, and the combat is mixed up quite a bit. The levels are also pretty lengthy for this type of game, but mix things up perfectly without overstaying their welcome.

Every so often a mission pops up that requires you to hop out of your towering collection of steel and guns and go human-sized against other human opponents. The experience here is functional, but entirely rudimentary. You crouch behind solid cover and shoot at anything your crosshairs lands on. Shooter fans may find these segments rather blasé when you compare them to something like Gears of War, but I enjoyed them for the altered perspective from the remainder of the game’s combat, and they come in at the perfect times to break up the robot sections and keep things interesting. I’ll also readily admit that I mght have pooped my pants just a little bit the first time I had to fight an enemy “wanzer” on foot. It turned out to be disappointingly easy, but it was still impressive.

"Maximum Firepower, bitches!"

Rebuttal Witness:
While the “core” gameplay in Front Mission Evolved delivers, the presentation is a bit more of a mixed bag. The visuals, while diverse, are pretty simple, with rudimentary textures that get the job done, but run the gamut from average to ugly. Some of the lighting gets pretty garish, particularly on the opening levels set in the streets of New York City. Many of the levels, including the New York level, feel sparse and empty, with simple geometry and little in the way of depth or detail. The levels get a little more colorful as you go, and there are some simple tricks like light bloom that elevate things to the point that things almost look appealing. The Mech designs capture that classic Battletech chunkiness and generally look awesome in motion, but it’s kind of a shame that the backdrop in which these cool looking robots play is so vanilla.

The ‘on foot’ levels suffer from similar blandness, and the human characters look rather plain. The general lack of tricky lighting effects combined with the rather lackluster facial animations and the wretched in cockpit camera view during cutscenes gives the presentation a very dated, borderline “last generation” feel.

The sound is a little more passable, with a decent enough, if slightly generic soundtrack, and passable voice acting that manages to deliver the anime-lite script decently enough. It never quite thunders like you feel it should, and the rattle and hum of giant machine guns doesn’t shake the foundations like you want it to. It isn’t bad at all; it sure gets the point across, but it doesn’t stand out either.

There is a solid multiplayer component included as well, complete with Call of Duty style ranking mechanics and unlockable weaponry. The problem is that the unlockable weaponry completely throws off the game balance, with noobs being utterly useless. It breaks the game completely. There’s also a significant dearth of maps and gameplay types, which will definitely limit the longevity. If you can find a dedicated community of mech modders to hang with (maybe some refugees from the long terminated Chromehouds servers) and get some action happening, this COULD be the kind of game you stick with, as long as Square-Enix can pump out some new maps as DLC.

Lastly, there’s the question of the Front Mission legacy. As soon as “Evolved” was announced, the small but vicious cult of fans of all things Front Mission immediately lost their minds. The series has traditionally been a turn based rpg strategy title, complete with slow and arduous turns where each opposing force moved their mecha like chess pieces on grid based terrain. The knee-jerk hate reaction is not at all surprising, given the series pedigree as a strategy title. There’s nothing worse to the braniacs than the “dumbing down” of their complex game of war into just another shooter. So, if you’re a fan of the series, know that the story is a decidedly western imitation of what has been a very complex and multi-game spanning, nigh impenetrable story, and there’s not a lick of strategy to be found. If you can accept “Evolved” as a continuation or a side story, or a look at the setting from a different perspective, you may very well find yourself satisfied. However if the idea of playing a shooter set in your beloved tactical world makes you wretch, give up now and walk away. Let those of us who enjoy this sort of thing have our good time.

Closing Comments:
At its heart, Front Mission Evolved is a competent mech shooter with fun mechanics and a solid story that will no doubt appeal to fans of the genre. The narrative drive kicks it a notch above Armored Core 4(or Armored core: For Answer as well), even if the gameplay is ever is ever so slightly more shallow. Stick around for the smooth controls, the lengthy (by today’s standards) campaign, and the Anime storyline, but don’t count on getting much longevity from the multiplayer, unless you really devote yourself. If you like giant robots, there’s currently no better option on a console.

The Verdict:

Platform: Sony Playstation 3/Microsoft Xbox360/Windows PC (PS3 version reviewed)
Developer: Double Helix
Publisher: Square – Enix
Release Date: September 28th, 2010
Rated: T (13+) for Teen