Airwolf has a game.  Lost, too.  24, CSI, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, they’ve all got games.   But what about–

Dave:

I’m dope on the floor and I’m magic on the mic.

Dave:

Adam:

Now why would I ever stop doing this?

What? Too obscure? Man, nobody played Clock Tower 3.

Now that the Colts and the Saints are set to pound each other into submission in a couple of weeks, we pose this question to you:  which two squads of video game characters pitted against each other in a battle royale would generate the most colorful results?

Dave:

Speaks for itself, I reckon…

Dave:

Adam:

Here’s your chance to wow all those Alpha males and the cheerleaders who shot you down.  The limo rolls up, the gymanisum door opens and the assembled crowd gasps as they see you, a shocking image of uber-confidence with the following draped on your shoulder:

Dave:

Steve:

Adam:

Jon:

The new year is upon us and as 2009 withers away and dies like the geriatric old man that our clip art catalogs dictate, let us welcome in 2010 with a nod to babies, that universal symbol of newness and poop!

Dave: Technically, it’s Bonk from Bonk’s Adventure, but he looks like a baby.  I am of course talking about the bald-headed bastard from Saturn Bomberman, the greatest iteration of the greates multiplayer game ever made.   Being the Bomberman savant I was, I found victory in many of the matches I played and there was nothing sweeter than to savor triumph as “the baby” (as he was derogatorily referred to by the plethora of losers that met fiery death at his hands).

"I bring death."

Erich: Well, if Dave doesn’t have to pick an actual baby, then I don’t either. I will, however, pick a character whose baby status is determined by being a child, and not just bald and short. I’m going with Little Nemo from the Capcom classic, Little Nemo the Dream Master. This game was great for lots of reasons—and not just because it was one of the few NES games I owned. Clever and challenging (okay, frustratingly difficult), Little Nemo had fun, varied level design, and animals you could both ride and wear. Say what you will about this game borrowing the suit idea from Super Mario Bros. 3, but as far as I know Mario didn’t actually climb inside a living frog to get his power up. Oh, and how does Nemo subdue his animal assistants? By feeding them candy until they fall asleep and start blowing giant snot bubbles (at least that’s what it looked like to me). Cutesy or not, I can’t think of any other game that uses candy as a weapon. Okay, maybe Hershey Presents Choco Carl and the Fudgeblaster Bunch, but c’mon—that doesn’t count.

We’re all strung out on mall-to-mall-combat and deal-grubbing, so let’s keep this Yuletide edition of PaD short and sweet:

You run down on Christmas Day, tear open your stocking and find something far worse than a chunk of coal…

Dave:

Adam:

Jon:

All joking aside, this is an accurate representation of the video games my parents thought were hot ticket items during my childhood.  So while you guys were opening and playing great games like Yoshi’s Island and Mega Man X, I was wearing my best false smile and reassuring my mother that Cool World was EXACTLY what I was hoping for, and that Spider-Man and the X-Men in Arcade’s Revenge was an even better game than Demon’s Crest.  Being Canadian, this meant TWO days of keeping up a festive and joyous facade whilst waiting for the stores to reopen so I could buy what I wanted out of my paper route money.  After the Pit-Fighter is just as good as a PlayStation debacle in 1995, I tapped out and just asked them to stop.

You know where some characters stand as far as gender.  But let’s be honest: there are more than a few virtual creations that are complete mysteries and not because they’re some androgynous Final Fantasy character.  There just ain’t nothing there to work with. 

Which of course brings up the question: how do these hapless folks reproduce?  And if you happen to pilot one of them off a cliff or something is that is for the species?

Dave:

Adam::

No, wait. Hold on. I think I did this wrong. What was the topic again?

And no this isn’t some disgusting euphemism, gutter-brains.

So you’re headed off to war or a horribly dangerous mission against overwhelming odds and brutal, painful death is almost certain.  But here’s the rub: you can draft any video game character you like to mount up with you and take it to the bad guys.

Your choice?  Choose wisely!

Dave:

Steve:

So you and your buddies decide to party hard at the local drinking establishment, a dive well known for attracting a mix of real and virtual characters, all there looking for a good time and a few drinks, not necessarily in that order.  As you pound back the Koopa Ale and regale your pals with stories of high school football accomplishments and office politics, your inihibitions loosen and your judgment begins to abandon you and you start to mingle with a steady stream of video game inhabitants.

Six hours later, you come to, sprawled in your bed and there’s someone next to you and you think “Oh…no…no…no” and you peek over the sheets and, mouth agape,  take a good long look at…

Dave:

Erich:

Steve: