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REVIEW: Despicable Me – The Game (Wii)

Jon Mercer — Thu, 10 Feb 2011 14:04:31 +0000

The Charge:

Be Despicable…It’s Fun!

Opening Statement:

As a freelance gaming journalist, I try at all times to keep an open mind about the potential of a given product. However, as a lifelong gamer who has already felt the septic sting of licensed games (I did grow up in the heyday of Acclaim after all); I’ve long since learned to approach movie tie-ins with what can only be described as a coupling of trepidation and mild repugnance. Games that are rushed to market, developed on the fly by the lowest bidder usually reap untold profits by preying on the innocent nescience of parents not in the know. The sad fact, quickly learned by young gamers is that these titles usually suck. Now don’t get me wrong, Despicable Me is a perfectly entertaining animated movie, but is Despicable Me – the Game as loveable as its beleaguered super villain Gru, or just another sad lesson in licensed gaming?

Big empty levels populated only by moving platforms? We've got a surplus of those!

Facts of the Case:

Eschewing all but the most basic aspects of the movie’s charming plot, Despicable Me – The Game casts gamers as the bescarfed Gru. Armed with a handful of villainous weaponry, and a limitless battalion of minions, eagerly drooling to follow his ever command; Gru must liberate the eleven pieces of tech needed to pull of the greatest act of larceny ever attempted, stealing the moon.

The Evidence:

I don’t intend to mince words about this; Despicable Me is not a very good game. Not at all. I ignored its existence six months ago when it was released, and would’ve been content to continue that obliviousness had a review copy not inexplicably cast a shadow across my doorstep this past week. So while it’s no longer what I would consider a new release, with the movie having only recently hit home video, I feel it prudent to issue parents a written warning.

Gameplay in Despicable Me is split across three general play types; basic platforming, puzzle solving, and villainous free-for-all segments that allow players to go hog wild with blasting action. Each of the game’s 11 stages is made up, without fail, of these three segments. There’s a late addition of a half baked spaceship shoot’em up section, but it’s so uniformly generic that outside of the sudden adrenaline shock of something new, any enjoyment fails to register. The platforming/obstacle course sections are plagued with horrendously fixed camera and wonky controls. Aiming Gru’s various ray guns is mapped to the nunchuk’s control stick, along with movement itself. It doesn’t take much imagination to see the inevitable tumbling into pitfalls while trying to aim at a baddie. Gru possesses a double jump, to ease the pain of his erratic movement; however this too is dodgy at best. Instead of having the player jump again at the apex of his first leap, instead the second jump must be performed a split second after the first. The timing is ridiculously hard to get down, especially in a title aimed at children below the age of ten. Oddly enough, the developers over at Monkey Bar Games must’ve known something was amiss as they’ve added the option to skip the platforming segments once players have lost enough lives. I appreciate a good challenge in a platformer, but the challenge has to come from clever level design, not a broken control scheme.

Clever, but let's see you do it without tumbling into an icy demise.

Even less satisfying are the madcap villain sections. Here, gamers zap away at milquetoast enemies, or perform Looney Toons inspired acts of vandalism to fill a villainy meter. These feel like a half hearted effort at reproducing the film’s frivolous sense of humour. I’m as much a fan of a good gag as the next person, but a laugh only lasts for a few seconds, whereas these tiresome escapades stretch on for about five to ten minutes. At best they’re a pitiful distraction, at worst the sloppiest of game design, a miserly stab at stretching the game’s mere afternoon of distraction for a couple more hours. Thanks, but no thanks.

Rebuttal Witness:

Oddly enough, Despicable Me’s puzzle portions are the game’s most rewarding part. Ranging from clever to downright insidious. Taking control of Gru’s minions, players disperse them across the level in a small variety of formations, which are then manipulated using Gru’s collection of ray guns. The result can be everything from a series of floating ice platforms to cross a tank of water, or a trampoline to clear a wall. Gru’s minions are in limited supply, so half the fun is figuring out the right configurations. Like before, fail too often and the game deploys a safety net, this time in the form of a series of hints to aid gamers in overcoming Despicable Me’s one legitimate challenge.

NOT PICTURED: Fun.

The level of presentation of display in Despicable Me is middle of the road level stuff that both fails to astonish, but remains above the level of the shovel ware that regretfully clogs the Wii’s library. Backgrounds are uninspired in design, and while the character models stand boldly enough, they lack their movie counterpart’s wondrous sense of animation. In total, the game feels rather unpolished, with odd camera angles during story sequences that hide the character’s faces (I’m assuming to save on animation time), set pieces that look like vacant warehouses, and environments that will cause players to wow in one level, and wretch in the next. Thankfully the score successfully emulates the feel of a late 60s Caper/Spy film, and the voice acting is surprisingly energetic, even if it isn’t the movie’s cast.

: 2010 Wii game? Or PS2 launch title? You decide.

Closing Statement:

Despicable Me – the Game has some tasty ingredients, but more than its share of bland ones, and a basic recipe that fails to use them to their fullest potential. It should take the average young gamer no more than an afternoon to complete, and is probably best rented in unison with the vastly more entertaining movie as an extra treat. It’s a pity, because playing as a James Bondian type nemesis and engaging in all manner of comic book super villainy is a rather tantalizing idea, but this surely isn’t the game to match that potential. Intriguing puzzles and passable presentation aside, this one is a stinker.

The Verdict:

I’ve nothing clever to add this week, that’s now mind numbing an experience Despicable Me – The Game was. I’ll accept your pity in the form of crisp $100 Canadian bills. It’s all about the Bordens, hater.

- J

Platform: Wii

Developer: Monkey Bar Games

Publisher: D3 Publisher

Release Date: July 6th, 2010

Rated: E 10+ for Everyone 10 and up

REVIEW: Kirby’s Epic Yarn (Wii)

Jon Mercer — Sun, 31 Oct 2010 17:00:52 +0000

The Charge:

An epic quest unwinds.

Opening Statement:

Cute means that something is attractive, in a dainty or pleasingly pretty manner. Cute is a defence mechanism to shield the weak and irritating from intelligent, meat eating apex predators such as ourselves. I can’t get mad at a puppy when he piddles on my jeans, because he’s just too darn cute. This is how I feel about 95% of Nintendo’s first party software these days, anything that doesn’t involve Mario jumping on flying turtles. I don’t want to see a sloppy and broken fighting game featuring classic Nintendo characters from a rich twenty-five year history that is aimed squarely at tweens who lack the dexterity and attention span for Super Street Fighter IV, but the result is so adorable that I can’t get mad at the big N for trying. That’s probably why I don’t start frothing at the mouth every time I hear grown-ass men utter the words, Kirby’s Epic Yarn.

: I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him…

Facts of the Case:

Kirby, the jolly and rotund denizen of Dreamland has been exiled by a wicked sorcerer to the quilted world of Patch Land. There he meets a familiar looking fellow named Prince Fluff (that would be Player 2). Together the pair set off on a journey to restore order in a world made entirely of yarn, and get Kirby home in time to stop the evil Yin-Yarn from unravelling his own home in a similar fashion.

Daaaaaaaawww

The Evidence:

I’ve never been what you could call a diehard supporter of Nintendo’s Kirby games. Personally, I blame the lack of an original pea soup screened Game Boy when the little pink blob of goo made his inaugural appearance. By the time I finally found a Kirby game in my hands; I was approaching my twelfth year, and the beginner’s nature of the series failed to impress me. But all things being equal, I thought I’d do away with my old prejudices and give Kirby’s first solo outing on the Wii a try. A mixed bag was to be expected, but there is some good to be found.

Exciting levels like this stand out, but with no challenge, there's little thrill to be had.

The first thing that any gamer is going to notice in Kirby’s Epic Yarn is the unreal look of the game. I always applaud developers who find a way of camouflaging or otherwise working around the Wii’s limited graphical capabilities and this is no exception. Good-Feel and Hal Laboratory have crafted quite the looker here, even if it is simplistic. Something as simple as watching the environment unzip, and fall in a heap of fabric, or watching Kirby slip beneath a background layer and become little more than a visible lump is pure joy. It’s like a baby’s quilt enchanted by a benevolent animator, narrated like its on Reading Rainbow; magic come to life. Every single level seems to bring its own unique take on the whole fabric store gimmick, so young gamers will have no shortage of new thrills to discover as they quest to reassemble Patch Land.

Dinosaurs make everything better. Even ones that move at a glacial pace.

It’s a good thing the levels can be so varied, especially considering Kirby has been stripped of his usual modus operandi of swallowing his enemies whole to gain their powers and abilities. Instead he gains a standard length of yarn which can be used as a whip to unravel or wind up his foes, and there are a host of different vehicles and tools that Kirby can morph his fabric body into. Dolphins, UFOs, even an amusing battle tank; they’re all here. The lack of imaginative offensive capabilities lands somewhere on the side of jarring, but I can’t see kids caring for long the first time they get to turn into a Kirby-shaped robot of treads and fire yarn missiles at a woollen artillery squad.

HEAVY METAL THUNDER!!

Rebuttal Witness:

It’s unfortunate, however; that Kirby’s Epic Yarn is thoroughly lacking in challenge. As in any challenge at all. Kirby, and his angry eyed palette swap buddy Prince Fluff are in a word, immortal. They cannot be killed by enemies nor can they meet defeat at the hands of pitfalls or traps. The price of failure rarely carries more consequences than a handful of collectible beads, which burst into a scattering heap, a la Sonic and his rings, and the few seconds of game time that it takes to recollect these fallen spoils. I understand that this is a title for young gamers, and there’s nothing wrong with a lenient learning curve and a merciful difficulty level, but when there is no threat of defeat, no consequence for a lapse in reflexes, there’s no real sense of satisfaction to be found in overcoming an obstacle. Yes, there are hidden bonuses in each level, but for the most part they are in plain sight and can be gathered on a first run through with no resistance. Even worse are the boss battles, which seem poised to explode into vivid life, but then show about as much threat as a newborn kitten, present a meandering attack pattern, and fall in less time than it takes to heat up a Pop-Tart.

This sweatery kraken looks a whole lot less threatening after you defeat it while asleep.

I’ve been a fairly accommodating fan of Nintendo style platform games for most of my life, I mean New Super Mario Bros. Wii was in my Top 5 for 2009, but Kirby’s Epic Yarn lacks in any sort of hectic pace or clever level layout. Gamers over the age of 6, or possessing any experience with games above the difficulty of say, Viva Piñata will without a doubt, sense tedium creeping in by the time they overtake the World 1 boss. There’s an apartment to decorate (sparsely) with goodies picked up during the adventure; and a handful of mini-games that try to invoke the charisma of Little Big Planet, but both lack the creativity to last very long. All in all, a completionist should have this one split asunder in about 5 to 6 hours. The sense of frustration is only compounded by the game’s unrelenting and evolving novelty during the single player campaign. World maps unfurl like rolled carpets, woolen water sprays and twists with unbelievable fluidity, backgrounds fold and crumple. But its all for naught when the game is so easy that it is a belittling, remedial chore to play.

I should be loving every second of this...

Closing Statement:

Bottom line, Kirby’s Epic Yarn is a lazily paced, simple and short-statured platform game with a heavy focus on a calming setting and preciously cute graphics. Clever level design, basic challenges. dare I say even fun all take a backseat to Kirby’s new cotton aesthetic. I wish I could say that any platforming fan could sink their fangs into some fried gold, but Kirby’s Epic Yarn would be much better suited to a beginner, or a little brother who wants a crack at his sibling’s gaming action. The game accomplishes its limited vision with exuberance, and therefore I can’t totally hate on it; but be warned that this little pink blob has its demographic, and if you’re not part of that age range; it’s more Barney than it is Jim Henson. Parents seeking a neat Holiday gift for their hatchling need look no further, but for anyone beyond the second grade, this is an epic yawn.

The Verdict:

I’m currently starting an online petition to have Pixel Verdict completely redesigned and remodeled in brilliant yarn glory. Stick a length of string into a styrofoam cup and toss it to a window…spreads the word.

- J

Platform: Wii

Developer: Feel-Good/HAL Laboratory

Publisher: Nintendo

Release Date: October 17th, 2010

Rated: E for Everyone.

NEW RELEASES – August 2010

Steve Power — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 18:47:55 +0000

Get your virtual cash ready, August closes out the summer with a digital buffett of downloadable goodies. Meanwhile, there’s not much happening on the retail front, with only 3 games worth talking about (4 if you hail from the USofA and like Football) in the promising, ultraviolent Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days, the epic Mobbed up open world sequel, Mafia II (That collector’s edition is mighty pretty!) and of course, Team Ninja’s much hyped return to Nintendo’s classic Metroid franchise, Metroid: Other M.

Stock up on Xbox Live Points cards and PSN gift cards while you can!

August 4th

- Castlevania: Harmony of Despair (Xbox Live Arcade)

August 10th

- Madden NFL 11
- Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (PSN Store)

August 17th

- Kane & Lynch 2: dog Days (multi)
- Ys Seven (PSP)

August 18th
- Lara Croft and the Guardian of Light (Xbox Live Arcade)

August 24th
- Shank (PSN Store)
- Mafia II (multi)
- NHL 2K11 (Wii)

August 25th
- Shank (Xbox Live Arcade)
- Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (Xbox Live Arcade)

August 31st
- Metroid Other M (Wii)
- Hydrophobia (Xbox Live Arcade)
- Valkyria Chronicles 2 (PSP)
- Dead Rising 2: Case Zero (Xbox Live Arcade)

This is a wierd month, digital content being so prominent in the face of a sparse retail month. I’m all over Kane & Lynch 2, being one of five fans of the original. I’m sure Mafia II will be in my home as soon as it hits as well. What August releaseas are you most looking forward to? Or are you planning on clogging the internet tubes with downloads?

REVIEW: Sin and Punishment – Star Successor (Wii)

Jon Mercer — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 17:02:34 +0000

The Charge:

The hair-trigger shooter game for the Wii is here!

Opening Statement:

Western gamers can be forgiven for scratching their heads and furrowing their brows when people bring up the original Sin and Punishment. A cult hit in the making, it made a slight blip on the radar in the dying days of the Nintendo 64, but languished in its native Japan, robbing western N64 owners of the chance to boast more great games on that system than can be counted on one hand. A decade has passed since Sin and Punishment was one of the most sought after import titles in all of gaming, and thanks to the title’s success on the Wii’s Virtual Console; Nintendo and Treasure have brought the sequel, Sin and Punishment: Star Successor across the vastness of the earth and into the twitching fingers of starving action gamers across North America. Once again, Treasure’s rule against developing sequels has been broken. The question is though, is it going to be worth it this time?

Got to get tough! YO JOE!!

Facts of the Case:

Fast and furious shooting action is the name of the game. Treasure enjoyed near notorious levels of fan boy love from hardcore gamers in the 16 bit era, and as one of the lucky few who had a copy of Gunstar Heroes when it was originally released, this is one of the very few instances since the launch of the PS2 that Treasure’s formula of avant-garde level design, multitudinous boss battles, and blistering action has truly worked. Pick up those Wii-motes and prepare yourselves, like the back of the box states; fierce battles lie on the horizon.

Now THIS is pod racing!

The Evidence:

Sin and Punishment: Star Successor is everything I’ve wanted from Treasure since they briefly resurfaced from the Eldritch depths of Abyssa Mediocara to deliver the stunning Gradius V in 2004. This game starts out as an on-rails shooter in the vein of Starfox or Space Harrier, but any conventions are quickly shattered by the fist-pumping pace at which the awesome is consistently delivered (truthfully, the game owes much to the cherished memory of the superb quarter munching G.I. Joe arcade shooter from the early 1990′s). Gamers can move freely around the entire screen, but earn extra bonus points for remaining bound to the ground (risk, meet reward). There’s a crucially necessary dodge manoeuvre that awards players a split second of invulnerability against the legion of firepower being splattered across the screen. Or instead of dodging, a properly timed melee attack can send powerful projectiles spiralling back at their creators, once again juggling uncertainty with sweet remuneration. Now try doing all that while independently controlling both your character, and the crosshair of their gun. You’ll be on your hands and knees giving thanks for your chargeable smart bomb in no time. But fret not, while there are many moves to master, and “Sin and Punishment: Star Successor” demands you grasp them immediately; thanks to the perfect clear and concise control scheme, they become as swimming to a fish in the time it takes to pick up the controllers.

Truly, the rock-solid controls is the foundation that manages to hold the rest of the game’s lunacy aloft, making what appears to be pure bullet chaos not only manageable, but downright desirable. “Sin and Punishment: Star Successor”, when played with the recommended default control scheme feels like that natural evolution of the old-school light gun game, only now you have a character to control as well. The nunchuk attachment serves as the character, using the stick to move, and the two buttons to either jump or dodge. The wii-mote becomes a player’s gun, all offensive actions mapped easily and literally at the gamers’ fingertips.

Less than 20 targets on screen, and all smaller than a Buick. Time for a breather.

With the controls honed to a razor’s edge, this allows Treasure to concentrate on what they once did better than anyone else in the industry; develop latrine rodent crazy levels that defy even the most imaginative gamer. If you expect to follow one course of action, the gamer veers wildly into left field and takes you on a ride that’s even better. Sin and Punishment: Star Successor may at one point switch perspectives and become a pseudo 2D shooter, while at another drop gamers into a haunted forest and expect them to turn away supernatural foes with the muzzle flash from their weaponry. All while peppering boss fights that increase in size and fury as the game progresses. Gamers hungry for action will find little to complain about with Sin and Punishment: Star Successor’s chaotic smorgasbord. Taking a page from the book of modern gaming, Treasure as well have eschewed limited continues in favour of a system that resets the score counter whenever a life is lost, meaning the game is actually something that can be finished by mortal gamers, but those looking to dominate the online leader boards have some practice time to log in. I know, points? In 2010? But there is something oddly refreshing about combining manic gunplay and epic boss battles with the primitive, bestial gamer instinct to place on that top ten list that always follows the GAME OVER screen.

A GAME OVER screen that a world populated by baddies of this scale; wishes to send you to.

Rebuttal Witness:

That’s not to say that all is right in the world of Treasure’s frantic return to form. The game’s attempt at telling a story is the very antithesis of both cohesion and interesting. Pitiful anime stereotypes crash headlong into Star Trek levels of techno-babble and Popular Science terminology to create a hodgepodge of a headache that will have players dashing to the skip button whenever a cut-scene starts up (it’s like the story’s quantum condensation fields are beyond our ability to measure. It’s resonating with the aria!) And it’s also ugly, like Steve Buscemi ugly. Character designs are downright bizarre, and everyone’s faces look blank, frozen into a funeral parlour visage of creepy contentment. The playable characters look like a cross between emo-kid clothes models, cadavers, and the downright disturbing youth population from the Village of the Damned. Thankfully, the game moves at a frenetic enough pace that most gamers will find themselves lovingly oblivious to the fact that Sin and Punishment: Star Successor looks like it came out in the fall of 2002.

At precisely 10 AM, in a quiet seaside village, something happened. Something...unexplainable. Something...unbelievable.

Closing Statement:

I’m not the sort of gamer that will allow subpar graphics sully what is otherwise a fan-freaking-tastic slice of deep-fried gaming gold. I do however, in the words of a fellow reviewer, have to go with my head instead of my heart here. All that earlier described glittering gaming goodness lies trapped behind a wall of Neon Genesis Evangelion inspired pseudo-anime weirdness that some players may find impossible to breach. For those gamers out there who can see themselves as a glutton for Sin and Punishment: Star Successor, it’s everything you’ve dared to hope for. It’s filled with high-octane action, and razor-sharp, pin-point controls and game play. But the chances are you that by the time this review reaches you, you’ll already own it. Everyone else, the game’s brief length and crazy design may be a turnoff. I simply ask you to take this one home for a rental, and who knows, a couple of nights stay at the hardcore hotel might do you some good.

The Verdict:

During my days in Animation school, I often saw a game just like Sin and Punishment when I closed my eyes. That game however was more inspired by Dark Horse’s phenomenal Dirty Pair comic from the and 90′s and featured humourous levels of destruction rather than general oddness…le sigh…

-J

Platform: Nintendo Wii

Developer: Treasure

Publisher: Nintendo

Release Date: June 27th, 2010

Rated: T for Teen.

E3 Round 4 – Nintendo Press Briefing 2010

Steve Power — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 23:33:04 +0000

Steve’s Take

Right out of the gate:

The Legend of Zelda: The Skyward Sword – Nintendo hits hard and fast with a new Zelda title. Looks pretty awesome, still more gesture based than actual 1:1 movement, even with Motion Plus support. Still, it looks awesome! Thumbs Up!

Mario: Sports Mix – I’ve always hated these “multi-sport” packages. Everything is just too shallow to be fullfilling. I’ll have to take a pass. Wait? Is that DK playing hockey? Even handed gesture.

Wii Party – Snore! Thumbs down!

Just Dance 2 – I would post a picture of me shooting myself in the head, but… i’m too lazy. Thumbs down! Somebody stop Ubisoft! PLEASE! Stop them before they do any more damage.

Golden Sun: Dark Dawn – Golden Sun was pretty awesome. This one is for the DS, it too looks awesome. Thumbs up!

Goldeneye 007 – No wonder Nintendo and Activision wouldn’t let Rare offload this one to Xboxlive. Remastered, re-imagined using the Daniel Craig era James Bond, and looking as hype as ever. Exclusive to Wii this holiday season. Thumbs up!

Disney’s Epic Mickey – this Warren Spector created project has been floating around for ages. We finally get a glimpse, and it looks pretty damn good. Nowhere to be seen is the old gritty steampunk Mickey that was teased in concept art an eternity ago. Thumbs Up!

Kirby’s Epic Yarn – Wow, everyone loves Little Big Planet it would seem. Kind of cute i guess, and i’m sure my daughter would eat up the cross-stitch graphics. Even Handed Gesture.

Dragon Quest IX – Ahhhh yes, the game series that made it mandatory to release games on non-workdays in Japan. Coming to the Americas in July, probably to be ignored. Thumbs up!

Metroid: Other M – This looks awesome! Team Ninja has crafted the game i’ve been wanting since super Metroid all those years ago. And it’s only a month and a bit away! Thumbs up!

Donkey Kong Country Returns – Oh by, another DK spinoff with family games and some supid dru… wait… What? This looks absolutely fantastic! It’s Donkey Kong Country, only with a 21st century lick of paint. And it’s coming this year! WOO! Thumbs up!

The Nintendo 3DS – OK, new hardware reveals are always a little vapid for me. this was no exception. Only one game is actually shown, and there’s no clear indication of how well the 3D actually works. Seeing is believing i suppose. Even Handed Gesture

Kid Icarus: Uprising – If nothing else, We know the 3DS can stand toe to toe with the Wii for graphical horsepower, and that’s no small feat! Looks pretty slick, but the gameplay seems to be more shooter-based. Still, it’s Kid Icarus, and it looks sharp! Thumbs up!

A ton of 3DS montages close out the show, promising some great titles from some great developers, including Hideo kojima’s Metal Gear Solid!

Well, for the first time in this generation, it finally feels to me that someone is steering the ship over at Nintendo HQ. In spite of my lack of interest in the 3DS, there were some damn nice titles on display, and Nintendo is warmly embracing those fans who’ve been longing for a classic return. If E3 of last year was them turning the ship around, this years was full speed ahead. Loved the lack of casual shovelware (although Ubisoft never disappoints in that regard).

I still absolutely HATE Reggie, the guy wouldn’t know a pac man from a walkman. It was awesome to see Warren Spector, Shiggy, and Iwata though. All of Nintendo’s first party material is geared towards fans of Nintendo games. 2010 and 2011 are great years for wii fans, and i never thought i’d type that sentence.

Final Grade: B+ (would be an “A” if they had a decent host)

E3 – Round 3 – Ubisoft Press Briefing 2010

Steve Power — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 10:59:10 +0000

Steve’s Take:

Child of Eden – Tetsua Mizoguchi’s latest in trance beat acid trip shooters. There are a ton of people who enjoyed Rez, I ain’t one of em. meh. Not a good start. Thumbs down.

Assassin’s Creed: Brotherhood – Now THAT is what i’m talkin about. Great pre-rendered trailer gives way to an awesome gameplay sequence that looks to pick up right where Assassin’s Creed II ended. Ezio’s villa is under siege, looks veryhectic, and there will be Templar vs. Assassin based multiplayer. Thumbs up!

Shaun White Skateboarding – This looks dumb. Shaun skates around a Tony Hawk-like city bringing color back into the world. It moves fast enough, but i doubt the approach is going to appeal to anyone. Thumbs down!

Battle Tag – uhhh… What??? Thumbs down!

Innergy – uhhhh…. Thumbs down!

Motion Sports – OK Ubisoft… could you at least pretend like you’re taking this seriously. Thumbs Down!

Your shape – This again? No thanks. Same stupid presentation we got at the Xbox360 conference. Thumbs down.

Raving Rabbids: Travel in time – coming to the wii in November 2010. Hurray. No one cares. Thumbs down.

Ghost Recon: Future soldier – Back to GAMES again. Nice. After the wave of crap that they were passing off for the last 20 minutes, this is a breath of fresh air. Looks like Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter, only with sci-fi trappings. There’s something about it that doesn’t sit right with me, but there’s plenty of time before the early 2011 release. Thumbs up.

Driver: San Francisco – An awesome CG trailer sets the stage for some of the most boring, ugly looking gameplay i’ve seen. What the hell have you done to my Driver??? I’m a fan of the series, i even really dug the crippled Driver 3, and let me tell you that this makes every other offering in the series look like effing Shaft! Heartbreakingly horrible, lame concept. Over 100 real cars that you can shift between at will. You’re in a coma, and the entire game is in your mind. This just sounds incredibly stupid. What ever happened to making a kick ass GTA clone? Thumbs down!

Project dust – Downloadable title coming in 2011, looks promising. thumbs up.

Rayman Origins – Woah! This looks awesome. Like a hand-drawn version of Little Big Planet. Not the announcment that many wanted from Michel Ancel though. Still, it looks great, even if it isn’t Beyond good and Evil 2. Thumbs up.

Mania Planet – ummm… yeah. thumbs down.

Michael Jackon – Ok, there were dancers on stage. And that’s it. Ghoulish cash in? Maybe. Thumbs down.

Overall, wow. I don’t think Ubisoft has any idea whatsoever what the hell they’re doing. There were two solid offerings in that entire waste of time, and even then, the idea that shows the most promise was an afterthought of Assassin’s Creed II. The host was an annoying dick, the “guests” that were brought out weren’t much less so, and the product on display was absolute rubbish. Ubisoft, i offer this prediction for your future: Tumbling stocks, a wagon train of commercial bombs, and finally, selling off your assets and going the way of Atari. Have fun with that. Seriously, who the hell is steering this ship? A Blind man? What the hell is Ubisoft Montreal up to these days? Where the hell is the product for gamers? You are lost in the quagmire of casual game hell, there is little hope for redemption. How the mighty have fallen.

Steve’s Score: F

E3 – Round 2 – EA Press Briefing 2010

Steve Power — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 01:26:45 +0000

Steve’s Take:

Need for Speed: Hot Persuit – Right out of the gate, Criterion Games (the guys behind the well loved Burnout series) bring us this re-invention of the series’ old fashioned cops vs. racers gameplay. This looks fantastic! It’s coming November 16th of THIS YEAR! Thumbs up!

Dead Space 2 – Moody, gloomy, freaky intense. EA promises all the games with none of the ritzy cheese. They’re two for two so far! That shot of the sprawl immediately before some kind of airborne vehicle starts trying to perforate poor Issac looks amazing. Look for it on January 25th! Thumbs up!

Medal of Honor – Finally a look at the Dice-created multiplayer, and it is stunning. 24 players going at it with PS3 controllers. This game is really shaping up to take it to the Call of Duty fanbase in a huge way. Multiplayer beta starts June 21st on all platforms. Release date is set for October 12. Thumbs Up!

The Gunclub – Cheesy online loyalty program. The kind no one signs up for. Thumbs down.

Battlefield: Bad Company 2: Vietnam – Where the hell did this come from!? Coming this winter. Downloadable expansion for Battlefield: Bad Company 2. No word on multiplayer or singleplayer contents. How much you want to bet it will go on sale the same day as Black Ops? Thumbs up!

EA MMA – No matter how good the gameplay may be, there’s no way this can stand up to the monopoly that UFC has on the mixed-martial arts crowd. Not to say it doesn’t look good, but there’s still frustratingly little known. Even Handed motion.

EA Active 2 – It’s on every console now. I have nothing more to add. I’m told it’s the best of its kind. Fitness games are like kryptonite to lazy gamers. Even Handed Motion.

Madden NFL 12 – Big changes in the Madden world, quicker, more accessible, but deeper, and still pretty. Woah, Joe Montana got OLD! Even Handed Motion.

Sims 3 – I just never got this franchise. I understand the appeal, i guess, but it never snagged me. It’s coming to consoles, which i’m sure will excite some. Even Handed Motion.

Crysis 2 – It’s coming this fall, it’s coming to consoles, and it still looks glorious. Looking forward to this one. Thumbs up!

Bullet Storm – Holy crap! This game takes rediculous to a whole new level. It’s one of the prettiest looking Unreal-powered games i’ve seen, and the script is laugh out loud funny. If you like your FPS action on the completely over the top side, Keep an eye out for Bullet Storm next February. Thumbs Up!

Star Wars: The Old Republic – Minor game tidbit dropped – every player gets their own unique starship as a base of operations. Beyond that, one hell of a kick ass pre-rendered cinematic that rivals the awesomeness that Bioware brought last year. No, it’s not KOTOR III, and no, the game can’t possibly be as awesome as this trailer, but it’s star wars and Bioware together again, two great tastes that taste great together. Thumbs Up!

To the point. I noticed a complete lack of casualware vomit from EA this year! Good job guys! You listened to me! The focus is front and center on games this time around, and what was shown was mostly awesome stuff. I guess i’m more disappointed by what i didn’t see after last weeks rumblings. There was no Rage, and more importantly, no sign of Dargon Age II or Mass Effect III. Maybe there’s something cooking for Sony’s presser tomorrow… hmmmm ..

Steve’s Score: B+

Review: Cave Story (WiiWare)

Jon Mercer — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 14:12:24 +0000

The Charge:

Wake up in a dark cave with no memory and just a gun. Take control and learn a world power, stop a delusional villain!

Opening Statement:

Playing Cave Story (Dōkutsu Monogatari for you hopeless purists out there) on the Wii will most likely conjure up strong feelings of nostalgia within gamers who were around in the 8-bit era. It’s like discovering a great NES title for the first time, or stumbling across a slice of fried gold long since missed. The only difference being that Cave Story is no retro throwback title, it’s not a series relaunch, or a cheap cash-in on the success of Mega Man 9 or Dark Void Zero. Cave Story, if you must know, was doing the old school thing before old school was even in vogue. This game is a labour of love, crafted by a single gamer back in 2004. It enjoyed cult success as a freeware PC title, but does that mean it’s not worth forking over 12 bucks to play it as an actual console title? That’s a question for Will Smith.

Awww Helllllll NAW!

Facts of the Case:

Cave Story is the tale of a long forgotten robot, a race of rabbit-like creatures, a mad scientist and evil witch seeking to enslave the world, and a loveable toaster named Balrog who has a penchant for making Kool-Aid Man styled entrances. If you’re not already sold on the toaster, it’s also only twelve bucks.

If this screenshot doesn't charm the pants off of you, you're probably not wearing any pants.

The Evidence:

Why would any gamer in a lucid state of mind pay even a miniscule amount of money for a game that has been available free for six years? It’s not as if developer Pixel (the charming pseudonym of Daisuke Amaya) and the port team at Nicalis have completely rebuilt the game from the ground up, fine-tuning the presentation with slightly updated visuals and a completely reworked soundtrack. It’s not like they’ve thrown in new difficulty levels, or a challenging boss rush mode, or a brain-tickling time-attack that pits gamers not only against the clock, but also against a maze of truly insidious design. Hell, at the very least they could’ve given gamers the ability to play through the game as the protagonist’s spunky love interest. Not to mention the complete failing at not only offering up all this new goodness alongside a pixel-perfect translation of the original title, with its three different endings and hours of fun game play completely untouched. Gamers who have played through it before also share the knowledge of a great side-quest that ramps up the difficulty if they should choose to resist picking up a powerful weapon, only to face a devious stage underpowered for the promise of a greater reward. The sort of whispered game secret we used to gleefully talk about at recess.

This is oddly what my dreams look like.

Cave Story feels and plays like an ode to older titles like the Metroid franchise, or the long-forgotten NES gem, Blaster Master. The entire game is spent spelunking around treacherous subterranean caves, participating in a metric ton of precarious platforming. It plays exactly as it should, feeling like a delightful romp through an era long since past. Weapons are upgraded through a scaling experience system that dances a fine line between awesome and cruel, ramping up in power as glittering gold triangles are picked up from fallen foes, but losing its bite if the player takes too much damage. The weapons are all a blast (props for the Macross-nod on the cluster missiles and the use of the heavy machine gun’s recoil for boosts), and the jet-pack is the most fun I’ve had platforming since King Arthur first learned to double jump on his SNES debut.

He fights and he smites with repulsor rays!

Rebuttal Witness:

If there is a single complaint to be had with Cave Story, it would be the fact that gamers have been able to enjoy it for free since 2004. Sad fact is, most of the hardcore gaming set (the target audience of titles such as this) aren’t stricken with much disposable income, and therefore plan long and hard about what games they are willing to spend their hard-earned cash on. Regrettably, that sometimes means developers like Pixel go long unrewarded for crafting labours of love like Cave Story. Pickier players may very well find Cave Story a little too linear for an adventure title. The level design lacks the complexity of a Metroid game, with the exploration coming in bite-sized chunks. And the control at times takes a little getting used to, as the player character, Quote, possesses a very floaty jump mechanic, and follows the same momentum rules as Super Mario. The controls are very tight, but unlike anything most modern gamers will be used to. Oh, and there have been some reported instances of missing percussion tracks from the remixed soundtrack, but this is promised to be corrected in an upcoming patch.

Looks hectic? Just break out a little of that Mexican Judo.

Closing Statement:

Cave Story is a shining collection of kick-ass gaming memories that most of us have never experienced before. The thrill of using the monstrous recoil of a fully-powered machine gun as a make-shift double jump is the type of moment that can bring a smile to even the most jaded gamer. It’s as if the unsung best game of the early 90s was re-released two decades later, only not. Pixel’s little indie game that could is a whimsical tale filled with endearing characters, some heart-wrenching twists, and the same sort of high octane, giggle with glee game play that is all too infrequent these days. It deserves a measure of success. Tight controls, a fun retro vibe, and a level of polish that defies its meagre origins, this is one cave that begs to be explored.

Toasty!!

The Verdict:

Platform: WiiWare

Developer: Studio Pixel

Publisher: Nicalis

Release Date: March 22nd, 2010

Rated: E10+ for Everyone 10 and up.

NEW RELEASES – April 2010

Steve Power — Thu, 01 Apr 2010 22:11:53 +0000

April comes in like a fercious wet box of kittens with a pretty timid little “mew”. Not much on the slate, but what’s there is of solid stuff!

04/13

- Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City(PC, PS3)

- Splinter Cell: Conviction (Xbox360, PC)

04/20

- Monster Hunter Tri (Wii)

- Sherlock Holmes vs. Jack the Ripper (Xbox360)

04/27

- Dead to Rights: Retribution (multi)

- Super Street Fighter IV (multi)

- Nier (multi)

- Fifa World Cup 2010 South Africa(multi)

- Fat Princess: Fistful of Cake (PSP)

- Record of Agarest War (Xbox360)

After seeing Sam Fisher get his kill on to the strains of “God’s Gonna Cut You Down”, i’m so sold on Splinter Cell: Conviction. I’ll also be doing some monster hunting, and Street Fighter is a must. What are the rest of you asking the Easter Bunny for? Outside of Creme Eggs?

Review: Mega Man 10 (PlayStation Network, Xbox Live Arcade, WiiWare)

Jon Mercer — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 13:08:01 +0000

The Charge:

Dual FX Engines!! Parallel Hyperbit Interface!!

Opening Statement:

My lifelong affair with Capcom’s stalwart ‘Mega Man’ franchise is by no means a well kept secret. I’d go as far as to say it occupies the throne that is my favourite gaming franchise. Since the heady times of its heyday, there have been close to 120 titles released that bear the ‘Mega Man’ moniker, more than both the Street Fighter and Resident Evil franchises combined; and during my career in gaming, I’ve owned close to 40 of them personally. That can mean only one thing, I’m totally the perfect candidate to review “Mega Man 10”, Capcom’s latest return to the series that built the foundations of their house.

The Charge:

Dual FX Engines!! Parallel Hyperbit Interface!!

Opening Statement:

My lifelong affair with Capcom’s stalwart Mega Man franchise is by no means a well kept secret. I’d go as far as to say it occupies the throne that is my favourite gaming franchise. Since the heady times of its heyday, there have been close to 120 titles released that bear the Mega Man moniker, more than both the Street Fighter and Resident Evil franchises combined; and during my career in gaming, I’ve owned close to 40 of them personally. That can mean only one thing, I’m totally the perfect candidate to review Mega Man 10, Capcom’s latest return to the series that built the foundations of their house.

This level has more to do with Windows 95 than Sheep.

Facts of the Case:

An indeterminate amount of time has passes since the Blue Bomber foiled the villainous Dr. Wily’s most recent scheme for world domination. Robots across the world have begun to suffer symptoms of a mechanical influenza, one of the symptoms being an aggressive psychosis. This of course means that there are 8 more insidious Robot Masters for Mega Man to punish, and while he denies his involvement, I have a sneaking suspicion that Dr. Wily is going to be getting another severe butt-kicking. It’s a brand-new shiny Mega Man game, it’s only ten bucks and it’s worth every penny.

Pikachu! I choose PAIN!

The Evidence:

Back in 2008, I positively gushed about the non-stop fun that was rampantly on display in Mega Man 9. And while I still feel it was a glorious throwback to the 8-bit era of gaming, once my rose coloured glasses were back on the shelf, I noted several elements that could have been improved upon. There was a collection of little nitpicks that began to taint my feelings towards MM9. Thankfully, Mega Man 10 addresses most of these issues, and while it lacks the advantage of being the Blue Bomber’s big return engagement, in my opinion at least, it is a much more solid title.

He's even turned Frosty against us, DAMN YOU WILY!!

The presentation of MM10; tricky to pin down as I’m sure many of us gamers cannot appreciate the art of recreating the original Nintendo Entertainment System’s 24 out of 48 displayable colours and rather limited but distinct sound chip. Developer Inti Creates, now Mega Man veterans with 7 of the more acclaimed titles since 2002; has finally succeeded in replicating Capcom’s signature look and feel. While MM9 certainly was a bright spot in the franchises spotty history during the last decade, there were a lot of recycled sprites and level designs, and a couple of the bosses looked like pixel diarrhoea rather than game characters (I’m looking at you, Plug Man). It was exactly what we all wanted at the time, a throwback to 1988’s Mega Man 2 (considered by most to be the original series’ pinnacle). MM10, marks Inti Creates third attempt with the old 8-bit series style (following a bonus level in the DS release, Mega Man ZX Advent, and MM9), and their first complete success. Here they’ve created imaginative boss and enemy sprites (try not to giggle when Strike Man pounds his fist into his mitt before throwing a pitch), colourful and creative stages, and music that may lack the high energy tempo of its predecessor, but is filled with a much more robust and inventive sound. Bleeps and bloops haven’t sounded this harmonious since 1993. Don’t believe me? Try to resist whistling Solar Man’s theme music for the rest of the week.

Pictured: Not Solar Man's stage.

You want a closer inspection? Unfortunately, with a title such as ‘MM10’, the only way to truly review is to compare with what came before. Mega Man 10’s level design is insidiously clever, eschewing the greatest hits feel of the ninth entry in favour of new stage gimmicks and new raps, such as coloured platforms that begin to vanish once touched, taking all similarly coloured platforms (and any power ups littered around) with them. There are stages where treadmills are used to power platforms, or make a seemingly indestructible mini-boss tangible and weak. There’s a level where vicious sandstorms can either carry gamers into cruelly placed spike walls, or if they’re feeling foolhardily brave, carry them across the stage at high speed; but only if they can time those precarious jumps properly. Each of the 8 bosses gives a weapon (franchise standard), and this time each and every weapon is useful, provide the player is creative enough to think around their limitations. There’s an awesome spreading weapon, a high powered bomb which does nearly triple damage if enemies are caught in its blast radius rather than hit directly, even a wall climbing saw blade that can scale obstacles WITH the player. I’m still amazed that Mega Man 10 has the first shield weapon which is meant to be used offensively. There’s even a second playable character that brings the series later contributions like evasive slides and a charge shot to the table. Plus an additional third player robot available for download in early April.

The man, the machine, Street Hawk!

The newly structured challenge mode, borrowing a great idea from the PSP only MM: Powered Up, offers gamers a collection of 100 short levels, each with a specific goal to accomplish, be it navigating an array of spiked tunnels, or simply destroying a collection of enemies. Some challenges are even unlocked by playing through the game itself, bringing a great assortment of boss rushes into the mix.

Not that a boss rush mode would make you any tougher, Pump Man.

Rebuttal Witness:

12 levels? One set of castle stages? C’mon Capcom, we want more! Inti Creates are clearly using MM2 as their blueprint to building a great 8-bit game, but I know a lot of gamers who would be happier if they’d broaden their vision just slightly and begin offering the game length of later titles in the series.

Closing Statement:

Mega Man 10 is everything a fan of the series could hope to ask for, especially for ten bucks. Its one weakness is the fact that Inti Creates’ strict adherence to the game structure of Mega Man 2 stifles its scope, limiting the amount of levels once the first 8 have been vanquished. That being said; the new challenge mode, and promised downloadable content are sure to keep Mega Maniacs like myself coming back, and the rather difficult game play should give today’s youth a great taste of what games were like in the days before respawning and tutorial levels. This is pure game play on display, a potent formula that hasn’t needed to be changed in over two decades. Now of you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a mad scientist to bring to justice.

The Verdict:

Platform: PSN, XBLA, WiiWare (Wii version reviewed)

Developer: Inti Creates

Publisher: Capcom

Release Date: March 1st, 2010 (Wii), March 11th, 2010 (PSN), March 31st, 2010 (XBLA)

Rated: E for Everyone.