Microsoft has had a whole lot of Xbox 360′s returned to them for repairs. This is not news to anyone in the gaming community, from the hardcore to the casual fringe. If your Xbox 360 hasn’t died (yet), you almost certainly know at least a few people whose machines have been KIA.

I only dredge this old news up because I was reminded of the prevelance of 360 hardware issues when somberly laying my Elite to rest in its coffin and dropping it off at The UPS Store nearest to my house. Here is how my exchange with the clerk began, almost verbatim, keeping in mind the coffin Microsoft sends out for your return is a completely nondescript white box:

Me: (Setting white box on counter) “Hello. This is paid for, but I was hoping I could drop it off here. It’s an…”

UPS Store clerk: “Xbox 360. Yeah we see a lot of those. You can just leave it here and I’ll take care of it.”

Me: “Wow, I knew Microsoft had an epidemic on their hands, but I thought the problem was more or less taken care of.”

Clerk: “Yeah, I normally work at the University Plaza location, where I usually see at least one of these a day.”

Me: “Still?”

Clerk: “Still.”

And… scene. This concludes our dramatic reading from “Fallout 3 Killed My Xbox 360 Elite” by Yours Truly.

I was sending my machine back due to an E74 error (finally covered under the extended warranty), but when I turned it on the night before sending it back to make sure it was still giving the error message, it was working again. I figured I better make it give the error before I sent it back, so I started playing Halo. As I was about to enter a Team Slayer match the screen froze. When I restarted the console I got the full on Red Ring of Death for the first time.

I actually wrote a note to whatever Microsoft technician opens the box letting them know the situation in hopes that they take care of ALL the hardware failures instead of sending me (or some other poor sucker) a half-fixed still-broken machine. Why is it I can’t shake the feeling the technician won’t care much for my pleasantly worded note, and why do I have a strong suspicion it won’t be long before I’m packing up whatever refurbished 360 they “fixed” for me after another premature death?

I know you’ve got 360 horror stories much worse than mine… let’s hear’em.

My Twitter feed just alerted me to a post on Joystiq from early this afternoon that hit a little too close to home. Just when we, the gaming community, thought Microsoft had put the costly Red Ring of Death (RROD) disaster behind them with the olive branch of an extended 3-year warranty, up from the ashes of a million overheated Xboxes crawls a new contender in the fight to alienate an entire fan base – the E74 error message.

Just last month, I was a victim of this disheartening message, which is, of course, accompanied by a red light. Just ONE red light. Keep in mind, Microsoft’s extended warranty plan only covers THREE red lights. Not one, not two, not four. To say I was livid upon learning that fact would be an understatement as vast as Bill Gates’ Scrooge McDuck-size pile of cash (and gold coins, presumably). As anyone who’s interacted with Microsoft’s customer service can surely attest, phone calls and e-mail got me nowhere. I spent $500 on an Elite barely over 18 months ago and I can’t get anything but a canned response from the help-desk handbook-monkey on the other end of the line.

Until the Joystiq post, I presumed my hardware failure was just bad luck. I bought the machine knowing there could be issues, but hoping the newer Elite might be immune. Obviously, I was wrong – on both counts. Pay special attention to Update 1 of the Joystiq E74 post. There are some interesting statistical trends involving the error message, along with an ever-expanding population of gamers experiencing the problem (and voicing their displeasure, of course… this is the internet, after all).

Some conspiracy theorists have gone so far as to speculate that Microsoft made some adjustments with the New Xbox Experience, effectively replacing the RROD with an E74 error, thus negating the extended warranty. Shady, for sure, but ultimately possible. Hopefully, those intrepid Woodward and Bernstein’s of the gaming community will continue digging up dirt, because it seems more and more people will be paying attention.

You want to know the most vile and nauseating part of this story – I immediately went out and bought another Xbox 360. I realize that fact sort of undermines my claims of furious rage and I felt filthy doing it, but I had to. Many of my friends are finally on Live and there’s a slew of games I still want to play. Yes, Microsoft has me by the stones, and new releases like Resident Evil 5 and Halo Wars only serve to tighten the grip.

Fortunately, I only had to spring for an Arcade system since I have all the necessary extras, and I got it cheap thanks to Circuit City’s liquidation sale. Here’s where I’d like to make a comment about my new system containing the upgraded, cooler running chip set and better architecture, but I honestly don’t know if it will make any difference. It seems like Microsoft “fixes” the latest hardware issue just in time for the next one to arrive.

By the way, if anyone has any tips on how to purposely RROD an Xbox 360, feel free to leave them in the comments… the stupid thing keeps automatically shutting off before it has a chance to fully melt down.